Lockdown bought me face to face with the duality of perspective that only change can bring.

Discomfort is not something I seek out, but when it's here I tend to wallow in it, torn between striving and thriving in it.

The pause button on life was hit for whatever reason, and maybe it was not only for Mother Nature, but for us inhabitants as well.

I for one grabbed the chance to explore this new space, knowing full well that I was unlikely to have this opportunity again. Rather than focusing on the irritation of upheaval, I made a conscious decision to do something else, and that was to explore my values, beliefs and principles whilst external distractions came to a grinding halt. What I discovered frankly surprised me!

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Just when I thought I knew what I was about, something comes along and makes me question everything!

What I discovered was confronting, and when we are faced with something that we know deep down is holding us back, we have to make a choice. It's in the choice I find that the internal battle is activated, and I had to work at having to override my rational mind which was hot on my heels.

I literally heard the inner child in me instructing me to "do as you're told Carla", and I had to tell her to sit down! The pause was powerful, and my heart's desire won over my analytical brain, thank goodness.

I can only describe my heart's call like experiencing a new breath, a moment, a stopping of time, and in this space not only did I find mental freedom but extreme clarity as well. However I had to surrender to it and that always takes a degree of courage.

Looking back, how could I have not seen what now I see as so obvious? This surrendering to me is the "gift" and I so want to feel that again and again, it's better than any drug I've ever tried. Addictive? Yes, but a healthy addiction, and an addiction that brings me a peace filled life.

I also know it's the place that I don't get to stay for long periods of time as I realise that if I lived in that endless state of freedom that this space gifts me, where everything is satisfying and blissful, then I would miss the experience of the tension that exists in the striving and the attainment to get to this space.

That pinch of discomfort to me is the catalyst that I need to keep my momentum going towards what I can only describe as joy or my ongoing alignment to who I believe whoever "me" is.

This ongoing work in progress I am more than happy to accept, and I'm not sure whether it's the exploration that might even excite me more than the result.

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If you are someone who's ready to try and understand your own need for change, then I'm facilitating a small workshop on June 6 where, as a group, we can discover or re-awaken some of our heart's desires where you may decide to be called to action, or not. Please message me on Facebook or www.carlascoachingforhealth.com as it will be limited numbers.
Arohanui Carla.