World Cup titles: 1
Star players: Harry Kane, Kyle Walker (at a pinch).
Conversation starter: "Did you know the baiji dolphin, the western black rhinoceros, Pyrenean ibex, golden toad and Javan tiger have all become extinct since England last won a major tournament?"
Blind faith and the three lions of England walk hand in hand.
It is what 52 years of losing penalty shootouts in knockout tournaments does to you.
But this one feels different. As punters start trickling out of a downpour and into The Paddington – with its dark timber beams it could be a little slice of Blackfriars right here in Parnell – the expectation has been replaced by the starker shades of realism.
"I like Gareth Southgate," says Bedfordshire's Bradley Pullin, 24, of the England manager. "I think we can do all right, without putting too much pressure on them."
"He thinks we're going to win it," says his mocking travelling companion, Paul Flynn, out of the red half of Manchester.
Perhaps these two are representative of England's classic north-south divide, but the more pessimistic Flynn thinks a quarter-final appearance would represent his country's high-water mark.
"Anything more than that would be an absolute bonus."
As he says that, in quick succession Jesse Lingard and, more excruciatingly, Raheem Sterling miss simple chances against a Tunisian side that is not expected to trouble anybody.
Sterling, it seems, is primed to play the role of hapless villain. He's renowned as a player who divides opinion but here there seems to be relative unanimity.
"He's like Forrest Gump, he's ****ing shite," yells a punter as another Sterling bolt forward ends in nothing. "'What do I do now? What do I do?'"
The English are well practiced at turning on their own, and the knife is invariably sharp.
England take a deserved lead before conceding a feathery sort of penalty that gifts the North Africans an equaliser. It's moments like these that confirm people like Matt Day's doubts.
"Standard England performance," the IT worker from Cheshire says.
He's been watching England battle through major tournaments for years, often with Jim Gardner at his side. They have become used to raised expectations and the swift lowering of them.
"We're a bit more realistic this time," Gardner says. "The quarters would be a reasonable achievement … but I wouldn't be surprised if we don't make it out of the group."
With the scores locked against the presumptive weakest team in the pool – Belgium and Panama make up the Group G quartet – Gardner's fears would have been echoed around the pub, where beers were starting to jostle with coffee for liquid primacy.
As all hope for glory faded captain Kane popped up at the far post to nod home. There was joy, but it was restrained. This is just one of many hurdles these fans, like "tractor girl" Teresa will have to leap before they start to believe big again.
"We were so wasteful," she says.
Even blind faith has its limits.