Memo to the Lions: start a few fights, tie the bootlaces, get "injured", debate everything with the referee, turn the scrums into collapse-ville, pick Elliot Daly.
Barring a miracle in Christchurch - in other words, let's wait and see what Owen Farrell can engineer on Saturday night - the Lions need to abandon any further pretence at rugby and turn the test series into a shambles.
Watching any more Whale Rider - if they ever did - isn't going to do the trick. The Lions are already close to a place where they need to drop the PR and institute a dirty war. They might start by getting in the referees' ears now, with claims about the All Blacks' illegal tactics.
Turn this beached whale into a shark. Deny the All Blacks the ball and momentum, maximise the stoppages, and pray for a few lucky breaks. Frustrate, frustrate, frustrate. Warren-ball is too nice.
Because bad just got worse. Considering what was at stake, and with the Blues fielding a novice No.10 and dropping their best lock, the Lions' defeat at Eden Park was even more demoralising than the win in Whangarei.
It was a wonderful night for Auckland, oops the Blues, rugby. Sonny Bill Williams - who turned the game with two brilliant moments - was ecstatic at the end, and his reaction told the story. This really meant something. Once the greatest province in world rugby, it's now almost impossible to remember a night like this, the most recent success being not recent at all.
As those damned Mexican waves washed over the east stand, I remained convinced that defeat was imminent to the final whistle. The Blues will always let you down, and in a few ways.
Having abandoned the enormous halftime queue at a food stall, we opted for the delights of a lone hot dog stand where a few bemused customers waited and waited and waited for an assistant to return with the change. It was an absolute banger clanger.
Normal Eden Park service always resumes...but not on the field this time. The Blues went on with the job for once, a stunning try sealing the win. But the Lions' reputation was enhanced, unfortunately, for anyone hoping to be enthralled by a nail-biting test series.
On what we've seen, the Lions' main mission against the All Blacks will be to keep the margin of defeat down. The British press - or make that the former England lock turned columnist Ben Kay - has fired more shots than the team has so far.
Battered by New Zealand critics, who were actually shocked by how inept the Lions were against the Barbarians, the tourists responded at Eden Park with all the fire and panache of a cuddly toy, which happens to be their mascot.
At the end of a vigorous pre-match routine, the Lions forwards huddled together where English prop Dan Cole - among the most static forwards in the game - did the talking.
The Lions might let the Irish forwards do the talking. Men like Jack McGrath, Rory Best and CJ Stander charged with energy at the All Blacks in Chicago, and we all know the result.
So far, the Lions have looked too much like England. If that is route one, they need to take this further.
So with that in mind, utility back Daly would be among my first Lions test players picked. He looks capable of landing goals from about 60 metres out, his practice kicks from halfway going deep into the Eden Park crowd. He's a touch small, but quite an elusive runner.
His mere presence would pose questions to the All Blacks, including about when to employ their dodgy ruck and cleanout tactics. And the more shots at goal the Lions take, the less time they will spend wearing themselves out.
There is one last roll of the dice however. The wonderful Farrell holds the key to this tour. He is a class act, and it showed when he came on against the Barbarians. His combination with Ben Te'o might test the All Blacks' defence.
Saturday night is the fourth test. The top Lions backline can challenge the Crusaders, but Owen Franks, Sam Whitelock, and co. will cut their opportunities down, although it looks as though the Crusaders will not over-tax their All Blacks. The Crusaders pack is so good it completely shut Hurricanes ace Beauden Barrett out of a game. Completely. Enough said.
Cotton wool revisited...
I remain convinced that key All Blacks should have been rested over recent weeks, especially after injuries to Ben Smith, Brodie Retallick and Sam Whitelock.