SuperShorts: No sex, please, we're men

The human race is doomed. Men are no longer bedroom superstars and have become a race of armchair athletes. Researchers have found that when men get together with their mates, sport - not sex - is the main topic of conversation. A global survey found 90 per cent of men talked about blokes in tight shorts chasing leather balls; wives and girlfriends came in a distant second at 45 per cent, while work trailed behind with 34 per cent.

Der Soccer-whos?

The Socceroos believe they deserve a place at the sport's big table. But Group D opponents Germany disagree - at least they would if they could be bothered to notice the Aussies.

"I certainly don't know anything about the team or their players. In fact, I don't think any Germans know anything about them," says Paul Breitner, who played against the Socceroos in the 1974 World Cup for eventual champions West Germany. "The only people who might know are the coaching staff, and that's because it's their job to find out. But the rest of Germany wouldn't have any idea about the Australians."

Holy cow

There'll be no more worrying about security, match-fixing and infrastructure at the World Cup. South African tribal chiefs and healers have slaughtered a cow outside Soccer City, the biggest stadium at the World Cup, as part of rituals to appease the spirits of ancestors and welcome fans.

"We burnt incense and other medicines and we slaughtered a cow near the stadium," said Phepsile Maseko, national coordinator for the Traditional Healers' Organisation. "The cow symbolises strength ... it is a unifying cow." And, no doubt, it means great boerwoers.

Ladies' man
A colleague of SuperShorts decided to buy a copy of Andre Agassi's highly rated autobiography Open, so down to PaperPlus he went. A quick nosey through the "Sports" section proved fruitless. "Men's Interests", perhaps? Nope. Agassi's tome was found proudly displayed in "Women's Interests".

The wisdom of Andrey
More question-and-answer madness from the nutty website of Arsenal striker Andrey Arshavin, who leads the running to be SuperShorts' Man of the Year.

Q. "Do you feel sometimes like you want to be inconspicuous, or do you like your popularity?"

A: "Yes, I would like to become an owner of a magic hat that makes you invisible."

Nailed it
Farewell to the northern soccer season. The best line of the term came from comedian Matthew Horne way back when the Magpies were relegated: "I saw a Newcastle season-ticket nailed to a tree. I thought 'I'm having that!' - 'cos you can never have enough nails, can you?"

FREE STUFF!!!
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