Shower Thoughts

1. Going to sleep in an attempt to make a crappy mood go away is like turning the computer off and on again to see if the problem solves itself.

2. We think aliens would abduct us and conduct experiments on us because that's exactly what we would do if we discovered alien life.

3. When we discover that adults are not perfect, that's the end of our childhood. When we forgive them for it, that's the end of our adolescence.

4. There is nothing better than realising, right after you wake up, that you won't have to face repercussions for the terrible choices you made in your dream.

Advertisement

5. Whomever coined the phrase "Shit hitting the fan" must have had a terrible experience.

6. The two Es in bee might actually be silent.

Questionable condiment claims

Millennials are allegedly rejecting mayonnaise claiming the condiment is a "boring white food" of the Baby Boomers, favouring instead what one journalist has dubbed "identity condiments" like tzatziki or basil pesto on their toasties. Philadelphia Magazine

Give her some Dacron!

Like me, you may have guffawed at this David Jones bra proliferating Facebook. For goodness sake NZ Sale, give her some Dacron!
Like me, you may have guffawed at this David Jones bra proliferating Facebook. For goodness sake NZ Sale, give her some Dacron!

You've never heard of Oasis?

"I am in the pub and I have made this same man furious by insisting I have never heard of Oasis," tweets @CharlTaylorPage. "O-way-sees? Nah mate, never heard of em. I have some memory of 90s music but it's all a blur. He'd rather believe that someone who grew up in this country in the 90s has never heard of Britpop rather than a girl might just be messing with him. I was more into All Saints and reading Smash Hits magazine and now he is on his phone googling Smash Hits magazine covers from 1995. This is the hill we're both dying on. He slammed his empty glass down and said he was leaving. So I yelled 'bye dude, don't look back in anger'."