The honeymoon is over, the marriage is unconsummated and the bickering has begun.
Heterosexual best mates Matt McCormick, 24, and Travis McIntosh, 23, returned from their Rarotongan honeymoon on Saturday.
The Dunedin men got married at Eden Park last month to win a The Edge radio station competition and a trip to the 2015 Rugby World Cup in England.
Photo / Mediaworks
Yesterday, sitting opposite each other in a small booth at a Dunedin cafe, Mr McCormick said he had tired of people stopping him in the street and asking where his husband was.
"I say 'probably doing the laundry' or 'cheating on me somewhere, on a date'."
The barbed words make Mr McIntosh groan: "Here we go again."
To be fair, Mr McIntosh had arranged to meet a woman at the restaurant yesterday and the tan line on his left hand revealed the recent removal of a wedding ring.
Both men said they had remained faithful in Rarotonga, but both had "cheated" since the wedding.
"Many times," Mr McCormick said. "Travis probably more so than I - I've got a girlfriend now."
Mr McCormick still wore his wedding ring and recalled a honeymoon of romantic picnics and beachfront honeymoon suites.
Mr McIntosh said the suite was a surprise.
"The morning we arrived, there [were] rose petals and a big love heart on the bed, and we looked at each other and said 'we're not sleeping in the same f***** room'," Mr McIntosh said.
The resort then made more satisfactory arrangements.
Mr McCormick said neither man regretted the marriage. The parties, no expense spared, were great fun.
But both were ready to move on.
"I missed a bit of my course," Mr McIntosh, an engineering student, said.
"I missed quite a bit of work, which means I missed quite a bit of money," Mr McCormick, a teacher, said.
Money never muddied the marriage, they said, but a deep friendship and deeper student debt meant a prenuptial agreement was unnecessary.
"He's got more debt than me," Mr McCormick said.
"But he's got two more years of study," Mr McIntosh replied.
"It will probably work out even," Mr McCormick said.
"We've been mates since we were 6 years old and we'll be mates until the day we die."
They would remain married until after the World Cup in England next year and would then re-evaluate the marriage, Mr McCormick said.
"It could all depend on how this date goes for Trav."
Mr McCormick said the marriage would not hinder either man marrying Mrs Right.
"If they want to let it hamper it, then they're not the right person for us."
Any prospective bride would need good planning skills.
"She's got quite a wedding to follow up on," Mr McCormick said.
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