Murder capital of New Zealand?
I wandered the mean streets (actually, street) of Kaitaia this week, looking for Sky.
I was bound for the Northland Age, but Northlander Portia Woodman was playing for New Zealand in the Olympic rugby sevens final in Rio.
There is no Sky TV at the Age. So my two colleagues and I scurried down Commerce St, looking for Sky dishes on the roofs of local businesses.
We had hypothesised that if we didn't make Kaitaia in time, what would happen if we drove down someone's driveway and asked to watch their TV.
Not for a moment did I consider it would be dangerous because Kaitaia has experienced four homicide investigations in the Far North this year, three of them in Kaitaia.
At Mussel Rock Cafe, they were happy to turn the music down and TV commentary up.
It was 10am, a bit early for a beer, so we drank excellent coffee and left after Portia Woodman barely touched the ball during the final, and the Kiwis lost by winning a silver medal.
Filing out at 10.30am, one of the locals clutched a handle of beer and headed for a seat. 10am might be early for a beer. 10.30am isn't.
And when we got to the Age, we had Far North tuatua fritters and other homemade goodies, as we sat around chatting about the paper's new look (the Age is now a compact-shaped paper), Pokemons in Kaitaia and why would you need Wi-Fi at work when you can access a computer?
Although it would be handy to keep track of the social media campaign #ILoveKaitaia, which is a reaction to the town being labelled by some as the murder capital of New Zealand. Those that use the term don't live here, one suspects.
There are signs that police don't have the time they'd like for the small stuff that's a big deal to locals.
In the front window of Riders Sports Depot is one of the clearer security camera pictures you'll see, asking if people have seen the thief, and if they have, there's a $50 voucher on offer as a reward.
Murder capital? No.
A typical New Zealand rural town held together by can-do community spirit? Absolutely.