I'm sure we've all experienced one of those moments where a classic response has either left you doubled up in stitches or, if you happen to be on the receiving end, red-faced with embarrassment.
More often than not I tend to think of a great response an hour after I've really needed it so it's useless. The moment has passed, as they say.
Those that are able to come up with such quick-witted responses deserve heroic status in my book.
Its probably why I'm a big fan of comedians who take great delight in the free-for-all of heckling during their performance.
Obviously the top exponents of the craft get paid a great deal of money for such responses etc, but what about the you and me of this world?
Among us I have discovered some very funny people.
Like the mostly quiet, dry, affable guy I was working with years ago cleaning the outside of an industrial building.
Covered in muck, we had been at it for hours.
Traffic cones had been placed below us to prevent any nice shiny cars getting some, well, crap, on them but one lady just ignored the warning and parked there regardless.
Even when I climbed down off the scaffold to politely suggest it might be wiser to park elsewhere she was having none of it and stubbornly refused to go anywhere.
Obviously we tried our best to keep it clean but the inevitable happened and when she reappeared an hour or so later the vehicle was muckier than when she'd parked it. And she was not happy.
This time my colleague and I both climbed down. The torrent of foul language and abuse getting louder the closer to the scene we got.
No amount of politeness was going to stop Ms Pain getting stuck in.
I decided against any "I told you so" type of response lest it inflamed the situation even more while my colleague just stood there letting her blow off steam.
After an interminable period of time it seemed there was a slight catching of her breath and my mate pounced.
"Are you always such a cow or is today a special occasion?," he asked so matter-of-factly her jaw dropped open and she stood there for a full 10 seconds unable to speak.
Obviously he shouldn't have said it and as the senior operative (fancy title for older cleaner) on the job I had to reprimand him and later, after she complained to HQ he got a warning.
But part of me, actually all of me, wanted to shake his hand and say I wish I'd thought of it first.
But if that prize retort came from a quiet type, how about this.
Back in the day some mates and I were doing a bit of work for a convent in the town I lived.
Not to seek any sort of religious redemption or the like (we were too far gone for that) but basically just to help out a guy we knew who was painting a wall there.
One of our number, I'm sure you will know the type, was basically a discomfort in the buttocks if you get my drift.
Religious jokes and inappropriate comments flowed all day within earshot of the nuns who were in the garden and many of us were left embarrassed and basically hoping a big bolt of lightning would emerge from the sky and give him a toasting.
Anyway, you get the picture.
Towards the end of the day a nun appeared and asked if we would like a cup of tea.
"Suppose it's made with holy water," laughed Mr Smart Arse.
'As a matter of fact it is," the nun replied. "And do you know how we get it?".
Puzzled, our mate shook his head.
"Well, we put it in a kettle and boil the Hell out of it," she said with a smile as the rest of us cracked up.
So all of the above brings me to this, the conversation I had yesterday with the lady who had spent the previous day giving my dog George the works.
Haircut, nail trim, bit of tidy up of the glands under the tail area, worm and flea treatment etc etc. Kerching!
She had rung to see if we were pleased with his haircut.
You could tell from her tired voice it had been a long day and the follow-up call was probably not what she wanted to do but the boss had insisted.
Unfortunately she got me on a day where I was full of Jacinda Ardern-type positiveness and I was up for a laugh. I didn't know it was a trap.
"Yes," I said. "I am so pleased with his haircut I might even come and get mine done there too but I think I'll give the flea and worm treatment a miss".
I can't remember exactly but I think I may have cringingly even laughed at my own joke. I think I probably did. She soon brought me back to earth though.
"Excellent," she said wearily. "So we'll just empty your anal glands then".