Wearing flats and holding a platter of freshly baked banana bread, Meghan Markle has quietly toppled Taylor Swift and turned the singer's Australian tour into a goofy sideshow.
Swift once dominated the charts and the headlines. Her arrival in this country would've once been huge news. But when she jetted in this week, no one really noticed.
Seven 747 freight planes touched down in Perth ahead of Friday's show — the first in her four-date Reputation tour. The lack of fanfare surrounding the star's arrival was in stark contrast to the hype that surrounded the 1989 world tour she brought down under three years ago — a seven-show affair that had fans dazzled and media obsessed.
Taylor's current expedition to our shores has been upstaged. We're all far too preoccupied trying to find out what brand of jeans Meghan Markle is wearing while she hugs schoolchildren and graciously accepts gross macaroni necklaces.
You can't compete with Prince Harry and Meghan. They have a way of stealing everyone's thunder and it's hilarious because they don't even realise they're doing it.
It's reported they announced their baby news at the reception of Princess Eugenie's wedding last Friday before going public with the excitement on Monday. The move cut short any sense of glory Eugenie finally achieved — both globally and within the royal family. The Queen obviously prefers Harry to any of the others and I wouldn't be surprised if, after the announcement, she started referring to Eugenie's wedding as "Harry and Meghan's baby shower".
Arriving in Australia on Monday morning, Meghan and Harry embarked on their mammoth Pacific tour with local and international media following their every move. With the spotlight firmly fixed on them, no one even noticed Taylor Swift jetted into the country on Thursday to begin her own national tour.
We don't care about Taylor Swift and her squads and her feuds and the secret meanings of her lyrics. We're too distracted trying to find an online store that sells that tan trench coat Meghan has been running around in.
For some reason we're all obsessed with anything Harry and Meghan do. And it's the smallest details that drive us wild.
Meghan wore flats and we were sent into a fit of hysterical excitement and vowed never to wear heels again. But then she changed back into heels and we had to forage our shoes back out of the bin. Then she said she does yoga and, that afternoon, we all descended on our local yoga studios with newly purchased foam mats, ready to do downward dog just like Meghan.
Her decision to bake banana bread for the CWA ladies in Dubbo will probably lead to a spike in banana sales. If she baked something with strawberries, she could've single-handedly reversed the declining sales of the fruit caused by those bozos that went around sticking needles in them.
A lot of pressure is on Meghan and this whole shebang must be exhausting. Not to harp on about the banana bread, but what a punish of a chore. After spending the day watching old ladies flirt with your husband and hanging out with Gladys Berejiklian, the last thing you'd feel like doing is going back to the Cosgroves' joint to bake banana bread.
Last year, when Meghan was preparing to become royalty, she never would've imagined that such a role would include rummaging around an ancient kitchen in Australia for a pan to make a cake that's going to be judged mercilessly by a bunch of old ladies. The CWA gals are tough broads with high standards and they don't care if you're a princess. They probably rolled their eyes the moment they saw Meghan's loaf had ginger and choc chips in it. They're not interested in your modern interpretations, thank you very much Meghan.
If this was the baking competition at the Royal Easter Show they would've rejected the entry for not abiding by the stipulated recipe.
But our standards aren't that high. We'll take whatever Meghan serves up, even if it does have weird bits of ginger in it.