Forget about being a doctor or lawyer or accountant. Today's dream job? Roadworks lollipop lady.
The glitz! The glamour! The fortune!
University degrees are for losers. Why waste all that time studying when you can earn up to A$170,000 ($180,000) a year while literally standing still and scrolling through your phone? It's the hot new gig in Australia that's proving to be lucrative and making all of us morons with regular jobs regret our life choices.
One lollipop lady - AKA stop-go worker - revealed this week how much cash she rakes in for a day's work controlling traffic around Sydney. In a TikTok video, Chloe Taouk claimed to earn almost A$3000 a week after working 58 hours in six days. One 15-minute shift netted her A$148 while a 12-hour Sunday landed her just over A$700 thanks to double time. A 12-hour weekday equalled A$496. Overall, her hourly rate came to about A$50 ($53).
The average salary for a Sydney traffic controller is A$130,000 – and the Construction, Forestry, Mining and Energy Union has revealed some are on A$180,000 per year with Sydney's booming construction industry.
In a different video, Chloe listed the downsides of the gig: "People attack you," and, "Five people a day ask for your number".
The perks? "You stand around and do absolutely nothing."
Honestly, I'd have no issue having my foot run over by a Nissan Pulsar if it meant three thousand bucks landed in my bank account after a week of doing absolutely nothing.
At first the staggering pay seems surprising but, when you really think about it, it actually makes total sense. The roadworks lollipop ladies of Australia have been looking very glamorous for a while now. They're often young women with their hair and makeup done, acrylic nails and designer sunnies. All of them are regularly tapping away on their iPhones.
Obviously these rich lollipop ladies need to get their own reality show. Reality shows about regular professions are the best. It's a tricky brief to nail. The job needs to be ordinary while also possessing a touch of ritziness. Chefs, hairdressers, personal trainers and real estate agents have all had their turn.
Amazon's new Luxe Listings Sydney series, developed by Kyle Sandilands, takes us inside the opulent world of an otherwise ordinary profession.
"Luxe Listings Sydney follows three elite agents as they negotiate multimillion-dollar deals in one of the most competitive real estate markets in the world: Sydney, Australia," the promotional material for the series reads.
It brings together everything we want in a TV show: Hot people with money in nice houses being dramatic. It's like a real life version of Big Little Lies.
Luxe Lives Of Lollipop Ladies will do a similar thing. The series will follow a group of glamorous construction workers as they control the traffic in some of Australia's wealthiest suburbs while also dealing with the day-to-day drama that comes with being hot and rich.
They also wield an unusual amount of power. It doesn't matter who you are, you have to obey the lollipop lady. Nothing matches the tension that's felt in peak-hour traffic when we're all running late and the rich lollipop lady decides to step in and pull everything to a halt, just so a semi-trailer can do a 25-point turn. It's a made-for-television drama.
James Packer's ex-fiance Tziporah Malkah, the model formerly known as Kate Fischer, was papped last year in hi-vis while working as a construction zone lollipop lady. She'd be an excellent contestant on Luxe Lives Of Lollipop Ladies and lend a bit of star power.
We can also recruit some other big names. Cocaine Cassie told The Kyle & Jackie O Show this week she'd be keen to get on a reality show when she's eventually allowed to return to Australia from Colombia. Someone get the girl some hi-vis.
Potential tagline for the series: They might control the traffic – but their personal lives are totally out of control.
What are these rich lollipop ladies doing when they clock off? Probably driving their Mercedes back to their mansions and popping bottles of champagne. Maybe going to the salon and paying the bill with antique rubies. These lollipop ladies are so rich they don't even have to double check their grocery budget to see if they can afford that fancy ice cream. They just buy it without even looking to see if it's on special.
It's truly aspirational.