
Words: Sam Sherwood
Visuals: George Heard
Editor: Andrew Laxon
Design: Paul Slater
It was about 7pm when Connor Whitehead walked into the living room to say goodbye to his father. It was a cool spring evening on November 5, 2021, and the 16-year-old and a group of his friends were about to head to a 15th birthday party about five minutes away at a house in the Christchurch suburb of Casebrook.
Connor’s father, James Whitehead, was sitting on the couch.
“I said ‘Have a good time mate, be safe, I love you’.”
The teen replied “I love you too,” before he turned around and headed down the hallway and out of the front door with his friends.
It would be the last time Connor left home. Four days later his coffin was placed on top of his bed, surrounded by family.
Eighteen months on, as the two men responsible for killing him have been found guilty of manslaughter, James Whitehead reflects on that final farewell.
“He should’ve come home that night.”
“He was literally an innocent bystander… he was a good kid, he didn’t deserve this. He was a teenage boy, just there to have fun.”


James Whitehead tries to catch his breath and pause for a moment while he ponders the best way to describe his son. The raw emotion across his face reveals the pain he suffers when trying to come up with the right words.
“Trying to sum Connor up is impossible,” he begins.

“You’re going to say things but you’re never going to quite nail who Connor was. He was so many things to so many people; he was just such a light in everyone’s life, he would touch so many people in different ways.
“I try to put on a brave face, but it’s been this way since it happened, that those happy thoughts and memories are constantly just overwhelmed once I remember, once I realise that’s all passed now.”

From a young age, one of Connor’s greatest passions was music. Sharing his parents James and Cheryl’s love of rap music, he would regularly recite his favourite songs over dinner.
For Connor's 16th birthday, James bought him a microphone and headphones so he could record some music. Unbeknown to James he did record one song before his death with a friend. The song, Listen Girl, has more than 17,000 listens on Spotify.
He also loved his sport, recently getting excellence for a school project with some of his mates on how to serve a volleyball.
Connor had a good group of loyal friends, “his boys”, James says.
“They were the sweetest, loveliest boys… a kind-hearted, loyal group of guys. They were all absolutely devastated when Connor was taken from us.”

Connor was the third of four siblings. James recalls walking with Connor, hand in hand, taking him to kindergarten.
“It was like Gaston and LeFou from Beauty and the Beast, this big guy and his little sidekick walking around. He was my right-hand man - he was my little buddy,” James says.
“To me, he was just a cheeky, loving, kind, fun-loving boy. He wasn’t fake or anything, he always had a nice thing to say about someone. He had the most honest, warm smile… he brightened the room when he came in.”





Connor’s mum Cheryl says he had no trouble striking up a conversation with anyone and was always the first to offer a hand.

Connor's mum, Cheryl Merrin. Photo / George Heard
Connor's mum, Cheryl Merrin. Photo / George Heard
“When we would have gatherings Connor would always be in the kitchen, making a pizza from scratch. He loved making a big feed for everyone. After everyone was set with some food, Connor would find room on the couch smack bang in the middle of everyone and would chuck on a beat and just freestyle.”
His approach to life was “very philosophical", and he was a deep thinker, she says.
“Connor was an old soul who had a deep understanding of human nature and understood we are only human and people make mistakes - he demonstrated [that understanding] regularly.”
His friends were an “extension of his family", she said.
“[He] had the most amazing group of mates… he loved every single one of them, one of the many characteristics he is loved forever for.”
On Father’s Day, about two months before Connor’s death, he sent a message to James. The message had a photo of the pair shaking hands in front of the sign at Whitehead Place, Nelson. The street was named after Connor’s grandfather, Bill Whitehead QSM, who has been described as the most decorated man in New Zealand rugby league. James got a photo at the exact same spot with his father when the street sign was erected.

“Happy fathers day Dad,” the message began.
“You’ve raised me so well to become the man I am today and couldn’t ask for anyone else as a father. I honestly don’t say this enough but I love you so much and hope you have a great day today xx.
“I’ve got to appreciate you so much more because you could be here today and gone tomorrow, so I’ve got to make the most of still having you with me while I can. I appreciate how you help me out when I’m in tough situations, even when the situations don’t align with your morals or standards. I hope you have a great Father’s Day!!.”

James says the message meant the world to him as at the time he was working two jobs to ensure they had enough money and wasn’t spending as much time with his son as he would’ve liked.
“I’d been trying to work on that so I could have more time with him, because I was missing him… so when he sent that it meant a lot… for him to put all his thoughts into words, it was stuff I really needed to hear, and it meant a lot to me.”
Connor, not immune to the antics many teenagers get up to, had some behavioural issues at high school, however leading up to his death everything appeared to be on the up.
At what ended up being his final parent-teacher interview James says he was “absolutely floored” at how well his son was doing.
“It meant so much to hear how much his teachers were raving about him, how he was a pleasure to have in their class and how he was showing so much promise and potential.
“I could see he was on the right path and that’s why it’s so hard… it’s like he didn’t really have that chance to really show his true potential.”

On the evening before his death, Connor went to the movies with his father and two of his siblings, William and Cordelia, to see Marvel’s Eternals.
The film finished about 11.30pm, and Cheryl picked them up. The plan was for Cheryl, who would have Connor stay at her home most weekends, to drop Connor and James home before she took the other siblings to her home in Rolleston.
Connor asked if it would be OK for him to stay in Rolleston with his siblings. James said it was fine, as long as he got to school in time.
The following day while James was at work, Connor sent him a Snapchat message saying “Is it okay if I go to a party tonight? And then stay at a mate’s tonight afterwards.”
James replied: “Yep, just be safe”.
“Okay, I will thanks,” Connor messaged back.

When James arrived home from work about 5pm Connor was there with his friends, getting ready and listening to music. The boys were excited, the party had been all they could talk about at school that day.
Before leaving, Connor said the plans had changed and asked if it was okay if he and his friends stayed at his home tonight. James said it was fine.
James can still picture what followed as Connor walked into the living room to say goodbye.
“We’re heading off now Dad,” the 16-year-old said.
“I said, have a good time mate, be safe - I love you.”
“He said ‘I love you too’, and he headed off out the door.”

The group were going to a 15-year-old girl’s birthday party on Heaphy Place, Casebook, a mere five-minute drive away.
Before going to the party they went to a Pizza Hut nearby and grabbed pizzas which they ate in the car park behind the store.
The teens then got on the Orbiter bus and headed to the party, getting off a couple of stops after Northlands Mall. They walked to Heaphy Place, listening to music on the way.
Connor had been invited by one of the girl’s friends, but sent a Snapchat to the party girl to double-check it was okay for him to attend. She replied it was.
The girl’s mother, Korin Steedman, would later tell a jury her daughter had asked to host a birthday party but she had said no, fearing too many people would come.
She eventually relented, and made several rules including no posting about the party on social media and only if it was a small group of people, anticipating no more than 20.
The party started off fine, with partygoers in the children’s bedrooms, socialising and drinking. They also made their way out to the deck.
Connor and his friends were among the first 10 or so at the party. When they arrived they went to the 15-year-old’s room to hang out. Her brother told Connor and his mate he could look after their alcohol, which was in Connor’s bag, in his room and keep it locked.

The group also made their way to the garage where other people were socialising, with music blasting in the background. A beer pong table had been set up.
Steedman had not met Connor before, but said he spoke to her and he was a “very polite young man”.
By about 9.30pm things were starting to get out of control, as large numbers of uninvited teens turned up. The exact number is unknown, however it’s believed there were about 100 in attendance.
Among the alcoholic beverages being consumed were Vodka Cruisers, Woodstock Bourbon, DB Export and Speights. Connor was drinking Nitro (vodka and guarana). He took two bottles with him. He did not get to finish his second.
As the evening went on Steedman was approached by several teens who had been beaten up, one with a bleeding nose. She had to get some flannels to help get the blood off.
A witness said fights were going on in the backyard, the cul de sac and the driveway.
The house became full of teenagers in the hallway, on the couch, and on the deck outside. Partygoers were struggling to move through the house.
“You couldn’t go anywhere,” one partygoer told the jury.
“It’s just what happens at every party to be honest,” another partygoer said about the fighting going on.
Among the partygoers was a group of teens, who were believed to be members of the Crips gang, who Steedman said were threatening her son.
Steedman said she tried to get the uninvited partygoers to leave and look for the person who was threatening her son.
She said her son had gone to a boy who had stolen a drink from his sister. The boy asked her son if he had a problem. If he did, he would stab her son, she said.
Her son then called his father, Daniel Sparks, from her phone.
Sparks was at the time with his friend Joshua Smith.
Earlier that day the pair say they found an old shotgun and had test-fired it. The shotgun was single-barrelled, had a shortened or sawn-off barrel and was a Stevens brand.
After receiving the call the two men made their way to the party in Smith’s car, a silver VW Golf, taking with them two loaded shotguns - the Stevens shotgun and a Mossberg shotgun owned by Sparks.
Sparks stayed on the phone with his son until they arrived, about 11pm.
“He’s got a gun, get inside, get inside”.
While on his way Sparks allegedly asked his son whether the group had any weapons. The son replied that they were just kids and did not have weapons. Sparks’ son had hoped that by calling his father he would come and the crowd would disperse.
Sparks’ son pointed out the group of people acting aggressively towards him. Sparks approached them and there was a verbal argument. Gang signs were pulled and there was yelling. At this stage, Connor was standing in the driveway alongside friends and partygoers and was not at all part of the altercations.
“It was like you’re either frozen or running.”
One of Connor’s friends was standing beside him when he saw the VW pull up. He told the jury he spotted a shotgun out of the driver’s door window.
The partygoer then yelled out “he’s got a gun, get inside, get inside”.
He ran to the garage and shut the door before running inside the house.
“It was like you’re either frozen or running,” he said.
“Everyone was stressed out, no-one knew what to do… it was just their instinct.”
Another witness said she believed one of the partygoers was arguing with a man who was pointing a gun at him. She heard the teen mention the Neighbourhood Crips (NHC) gang, and the man with the gun who had mentioned Mangu Kaha. The pair were talking “quite aggressively”.
At some stage in the altercation a bottle, or bottles, were thrown at the car, one smashing the driver’s window.
Several partygoers overheard a teen who was arguing with the man with the gun, described as wearing what appeared to be a mask, yell “Just shoot me."
She did not see the gunshot go off but heard it; the sound was so loud that some partygoers reported a ringing noise in their ears.
“People were hiding everywhere they could hide.”
Steedman said she heard kids screaming, “he’s got a gun, he’s got a gun”.
When she went outside there were people everywhere.
She then heard two gunshots, and hid behind a tree.
“Everyone hid,” she said.
“People were hiding everywhere they could hide.”
The Crown said at the trial it was Smith who fired the first shot, and that Sparks then got into the passenger seat and fired his shot from the Mossberg six seconds afterwards, in the air, as the vehicle departed.
One witness, who had never met Connor before, said after the gun was first spotted he saw Connor running next to him.
After the shots were fired Connor told him he had been shot. He then fell down. At first the partygoer thought Connor was having a seizure.
“I didn’t know he’d been shot at this stage and I was holding on to him, rubbing his back and telling him it was going to be okay.”
Steedman then walked over to where a group of teens were crowded and saw Connor lying on the ground unconscious outside the kitchen window while people were standing around him yelling.
“I didn’t know he’d been shot at this stage and I was holding on to him, rubbing his back and telling him it was going to be okay, and telling all the other kids to go away because he just needed some peace and quiet.”
One of Connor’s friends, who went to the party with him, said when he got outside he saw a bunch of people crowded around Connor saying he had been shot.
One person was pressing on his chest while another boy was giving him CPR. Another person was holding his neck before a partygoer grabbed a pillow and rested his head on it.
The friend told other people crowding around to back away and he got down and held Connor’s hand. His face was completely pale. It wasn’t until a few moments later that the friend realised several other people were also holding Connor’s hand in his final moments.
Connor, who was standing between 9 to 15 metres away when the firearm was discharged and not at all involved in the disorder, had been shot in the chest. His injuries were unsurvivable.
After the men left, the 15-year-old who was having the party was allegedly asked by one of the partygoers if it was her dad who was involved in the shooting. She said it was and she was then punched from behind, and momentarily knocked out.
Emergency services arrived shortly after.

While Connor was at the party, his father had been out to the movies with a friend. He then went home and, as it was Guy Fawkes night, sat in the car with his friend watching some fireworks for about half an hour.
About 11.30pm he said goodbye to his friend and went inside his home, getting a glass of wine and sitting on the couch watching music videos on YouTube.
A short while later he heard a knock at the door. Two police officers were standing there.
“They said ‘Do you have a son, Connor Whitehead, and does he go to Burnside High School?’”
James immediately assumed it was something to do with his behaviour at school, and got annoyed, worrying about what his son had done to get into trouble.
The officers then asked if they could come inside and sit down for a chat. James let them inside, and they walked past his son’s bedroom into the lounge and sat down on a chairs opposite James, who sat on the couch.
“I remember I said to them ‘That’s not funny’, like they would come and prank some guy by coming and saying I think your son’s been killed. I said it can’t be right and I went numb, I was dumbfounded.”
The officers said there had been an incident at a party involving someone being shot and killed. They suspected it was his son.
“I just didn’t react,” James says through tears.
“I remember I said to them ‘That’s not funny’, like they would come and prank some guy by coming and saying I think your son’s been killed. I said it can’t be right and I went numb, I was dumbfounded.”
The officers said they needed to go visit Cheryl in Rolleston, and James agreed to go with them.
James got off the couch and went straight to his son’s room, grabbing one of Connor's hoodies and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Michelangelo figurine he had given him after Connor was hit by a car when he was younger and broke both his legs.
“I just needed something tangible, I didn’t know what to do, but I needed to take those things with me, just so I could have a little piece of Connor.”
As James went with police to Rolleston, unbeknown to him Cheryl had heard about an incident at the party via social media and was heading there with William to see if Connor was okay.
“Then they walked in and I had to say Connor’s been killed. It’s the worst thing to have to tell someone, anyone, especially this person’s mother and siblings.”
When James arrived he knocked on the door and was told by Cordelia what was happening. He rang Cheryl and told her to come home.
“That was the slowest time of my life, waiting for them.
“Then they walked in and I had to say Connor’s been killed. It’s the worst thing to have to tell someone, anyone, especially this person’s mother and siblings.”
Once he got home the calls continued as James rang around his family to notify them of Connor’s death.
“It was horrible. It’s not straight away, you’re numb. It’s like this realisation that this is real and this has happened and now this is your reality - adapt to it.”




As part of the police investigation, dubbed Operation Stack, officers were intercepting phone calls between Sparks and Smith and people who were helping them.
A few hours after the shooting a call was intercepted between the pair and an associate.

From left, Daniel Nelson Sparks and Joshua David Craig Smith. Photos / George Heard
From left, Daniel Nelson Sparks and Joshua David Craig Smith. Photos / George Heard
In the call Smith can be heard saying the pair had a “bit of a run-in with the Crips” to the associate.
“His son getting attacked by them, and so we shot over there. And then f….. 30 or 40 of them come out of nowhere and then we were getting uh surrounded by them, so we popped off some shots bro and we might’ve shot one of them.”
Sparks tells the associate he got his girlfriend, Kelly Archbold, to come and pick them up. He said the shooting was all over social media, and he had just got a text to say the person who was shot was dead.
“Josh can’t remember like f….., how high he f….., popped off a round, doesn’t seem to think he hit any, anyone… but on Facebook it’s saying that there’s um that someone got shot.”
Smith then says the pair were “under fire”.
A couple of hours later Smith called police to report his car stolen.
Immediately after the shooting Archbold went to collect Sparks, with footage of her blue Honda Jazz travelling towards the area Sparks was picked up from. Through intercepted calls, she provided comfort to Sparks and was also advising him of information as it became available to her, including the fact he had been identified by someone, and that police knew he had an orange jersey on.
In one intercepted phone call Archbold tries to reassure Sparks and says “it wasn’t you”.
“I’m still involved though aren’t I, you know? … whether I like it or not, I’m f…..”
“Josh is gonna, that’s 20 years mate, at least or something.”
Sparks also says what happened was “an accident”.
“We’re both actual sitting here wondering, we’ve f….. destroyed the people’s lives that we care about the most … we’ve done the most dumbest, we’ve done the dumbest thing babe.”
They organised how to get another man, Nicholas McKay, to go to their home and get the Commodore so “we’ve” got transport. Archbold said she could meet McKay there in “about an hour” and would give him some money and food. She also organised a safety package including clothes, food, water, money, and medication. This was delivered to McKay to be passed on.

Photo / George Heard
Photo / George Heard
The Crown said Sparks and Smith went to McKay’s home on Lower Styx Rd after the shooting. It was from there, police alleged, that they left to hide the firearms.
Sparks told McKay directly they had shot someone and they thought someone had been killed. McKay allowed Sparks to use his phone to call Archbold and for Smith to use it to call someone.
McKay went around to Sparks’ house, did a clean-up, collected the items from Archbold and passed them on to Sparks. He also lied to the police about his knowledge of Sparks’ location.
At McKay’s house, the police found material that had been burnt in the front yard brazier, including a shotgun brass head. At the address were multiple shotgun cartridges, some empty.
About 2.30am on November 7, a woman arranged to meet Smith behind a dairy near his home. She picked him up and took him away from his address to an unknown location.
Later that afternoon, the woman and Smith were at home. Smoke plumes were seen by the AOS team as they approached the house. The woman came outside with children, and told police Smith wasn’t at the address.
Hours later Smith was found hiding in a car inside the garage. In their fireplace, the remnants of burnt evidence were found by police.
Sparks was found two days later.
When he was arrested, he told Detective Kelvin Holden: “I know I’m in trouble, I’m happy to talk to you.”
In his interview Sparks said he had got out of his car when he arrived at the party where he was confronted by a group of partygoers yelling “Crips”. Sparks, who is a member of the Mangu Kaha gang, then yelled his gang’s name out in response.
“At this stage, I didn’t know anyone had been killed.”
He said shortly afterwards he heard a gunshot, and realised Smith had fired it. Sparks ran back to the car, and fired his Mossberg from inside the car so the men could get away.
“At this stage, I didn’t know anyone had been killed.”
He said Smith was “freaking out” a couple of days later when he read a story online about Whitehead’s death.
“He knew it was him that’d done it, he said he fired it in the bushes above their heads, but obviously he didn’t.
“A big loud bang and then it’s over. I had no intentions of using it ever, I would never use it on anyone, just to make people scatter.”
“I just f..... lost it. Started crying and didn’t know what to do. It’s too much eh, for them to lose their life, especially a 16-year-old boy, it’s insane.”
Sparks said he brought his gun for a “warning shot”.
“A big loud bang and then it’s over. I had no intentions of using it ever, I would never use it on anyone, just to make people scatter.”
He said the pair had buried the guns at Spencer Park forest, better known to locals as Bottle Lake Forest.

Smith was interviewed inside Christchurch Hospital after he was bitten by a dog during his arrest.
He told Detective Jason Hunuki he was “in a lot of trouble”, but denied firing any shots, and said his shotgun was not loaded.
“That f…ing poor boy, I’m sorry to the family. I didn’t mean for it to happen like that, for none of this shit to happen.”
He then said it was Sparks who fired the shots.
“I thought he fired the shots in the air, that’s why it’s been so hard to accept.”

Top; Sparks' gun, Below; Smith's gun. Photos / George Heard
Top; Sparks' gun, Below; Smith's gun. Photos / George Heard
After the final arrest, Connor was brought home and carried into his bedroom in a coffin, which was then placed on his bed.
“It was so important because he went to a party and was supposed to come home that night and not having him come home at all would be worse… it’s like he would be lost to us, that’s why we had to have him come home,” James said.
With everyone in custody, it meant the family could focus on Connor and their final moments with him before his funeral.
“All that was taken care of, we got our boy home, now we could mourn, we could look after him and just keep him with us as much as we could.
“He came home and he was in his room… he was surrounded by his loved ones, that’s how it should’ve been. That is where he belonged.”
James said the family was “blessed” to have received so much support in those early days and weeks, from friends, Victim Support and police.






James recalls seeing the two men charged with his son’s murder during their first court appearance. He expected to feel a sense of rage towards them. Instead, he felt nothing, an emptiness.
“It was just a complete indifference because these people were not on my radar at all - I don’t want anything to do with them, what they represent… they took my boy.”
For each of the men’s court appearances leading up to the trial he wore a white T-shirt with his son’s face on it, and the words “Forever Connor”.
The photo was chosen as it was Connor’s last profile picture on Facebook, with the mullet he had been growing, which was starting to grow on his initially disapproving father.
“It was the last photo that he was happy to show the world: this is me, this is my face, this is who I am.”
James wore the shirt because he felt it important his son was still remembered, still at the forefront of proceedings.

Connor Whitehead's father James Whitehead enters court. Photo / George Heard
Connor Whitehead's father James Whitehead enters court. Photo / George Heard
“I’m representing Connor first and foremost and making sure that he’s seen in this. The focus should be on Connor, this is what was taken, this is why you’re here. That’s my boy.”
Around James' neck throughout the trial was a necklace with a locket made out of some of Connor’s hair he had found while cleaning out a bin in the bathroom several months after his son's death.
On the necklace are the words: “I still need you close to me”.
James was sitting in the front row of the courtroom along with Connor’s mum and siblings when Crown prosecutor Aaron Harvey began his opening and told the jury both men could be found guilty of murder, regardless of who fired the fatal shot.
Smith’s lawyer, Daniel Kirby, said Whitehead was “totally innocent”.

Justice Melanie Harland. Photo / George Heard
Justice Melanie Harland. Photo / George Heard
“His killing was shocking, senseless, and should never have happened.”
Kirby said Smith accepted it was his fault, and that he was responsible for Whitehead’s death.
However, he said his client was guilty of manslaughter, not murder.
“Mr Smith never intended to kill Connor. He never intended to cause Connor bodily harm, and he never thought that Connor or anyone else would be likely to die.”
He said Smith had lied in his police interview from his hospital bed, but just because he lied, it did not mean he was a murderer.
Sparks’ lawyer, Nicola Pointer, said he was not guilty of murder. He did not fire the fatal shot, and he had no idea things would unfold the way they did, she said.
“Mr Smith never intended to kill Connor. He never intended to cause Connor bodily harm, and he never thought that Connor or anyone else would be likely to die.”
“What occurred went well beyond any common purpose that could’ve existed between the men when they travelled to the party.”
Sparks said he got a distressed call from his son asking for help.
He heard a gunshot, quickly returned to the car and grabbed the Mossberg, discharging a round into the air to scatter the crowd forming so they could leave.
Thirteen days after the trial began the jury came back with a verdict for both men - guilty of manslaughter.
After the verdict, James and Cheryl left the courtroom side by side along with William and Cordelia.

Connor Whitehead’s parents James Whitehead and Cheryl Mirren address media after the verdict. Photo / George Heard
Connor Whitehead’s parents James Whitehead and Cheryl Mirren address media after the verdict. Photo / George Heard
The family held hands as James addressed the media wearing his white shirt with the words "Forever Connor".
"It's been the worst time of our lives, losing our boy, losing Connor. Having to relive that time over the past few weeks has just been hell for us."
As for the verdict, he said he did not care.
"I don't care what happens to those men. There is no victory here for us today, we don't get our Connor back when we go home, so who cares? We want to move forward and we want to love our loved ones and remember Connor, remember our boy, remember our friend.

Photo / George Heard
Photo / George Heard
"We don't have to think about those guys anymore. They've been dealt with, that's out of our hands."
"From the start, we've been here for Connor, and that's the way it's always going to be."
"We love you Connor, we miss you."


Connor’s room remains almost untouched since he was last inside more than 18 months ago.
Polaroid photos of the 16-year-old are stuck on the wall, his TV is sitting on a desk, with his cans of Lynx deodorant just behind. On a coat hanger is a black checked dress shirt his father wore while at a press conference appealing for information. It’s the same shirt Connor wore in the photo at Whitehead Pl. James hadn’t worn it since the press conference, but decided to wear it during the trial.
In a corner is Connor's school bag he dumped there with some washing inside. James can’t bring himself to move it.
“What reason do I have to take that out or get rid of it? It’s not from a sense of he’ll be home one day… it’s just that it would hurt too much to do it.”
He’s had many people tell him how well he’s holding himself since his son’s death, which he says couldn’t be further from the truth.
“If you could see what’s happening inside me… I’m not holding it together at all. It’s just that from the get-go I kind of assumed this position of I have to do this and that…. I still can’t process my son’s dead.
"It’s like I’ve got all the proof, but I still have moments where I come home and just expect him to be here because why wouldn’t I?”
The adjustment from living with his son to living alone has been difficult for James, who recently bought a fish tank to bring a little life into the living room so when he comes home it doesn’t feel so empty.
“When I come home I go in the back door and right there as I open the door is a picture of Connor; it’s the first thing I see. I say ‘Hey Connor’, and I just get down… it sucks because when I see my boy’s face I shouldn’t be sad, I shouldn’t feel these things.”
He wants his son to be remembered as “delightful, a sweetheart, that smile of his was all you needed to lift up your spirits”.
“He was just so full of life, that was Connor… you saw him and he made you feel good.”
Cheryl says she cries daily thinking about her son.
“I just need one moment alone and I cry, or to hear a song… almost any song I can somehow connect to Connor even without realising. All moments I’m reminded we are missing Connor, that he is missing this - his life. We are so acutely aware of his absence.”
Sitting in the same spot he was in 18 months ago when police told him about his son’s death, James thinks back to that night.
“His friends say he was having such a good time, he was having fun, he was smiling and laughing and he was enjoying his friends’ company. He was there with his best mates and just having a great time.”
“He was 16 years old, he had his whole life ahead of him - all these goals and dreams. How do you come to terms with it?”
James pauses again, as he tries to fight back the tears, and repeats what’s become a “catchphrase” for him since Connor’s death.
“It’s just awful, it’s cruel. It’s unfair… it’s just not fair.”

