As told to: Sarah Daniell
Photography and video: Greg Bowker
Styling: Annabel Dickson 
Design: Paul Slater

In April, to mark the 100-day countdown to the Tokyo Olympics 2020, Canvas was to feature a fashion shoot with four New Zealand Olympians. Then everything changed. These athletes, who were poised for the biggest event in their lives, to showcase their skill, grit and prowess, know all about sacrifice, discipline and coping with disappointment. So we interviewed them all again last month, for the second time. We photographed the men who had not made the shoot before Covid-19 and we asked them all how they felt about the past few months, and this day, July 25 - which would have been Day 1 of the Tokyo Olympics.

Just sometimes I feel vulnerable but I'm pretty carefree most of the time

It's a shame we had to delay this, Sarah, because I was losing weight for the shoot, ha!
I think I'm just wired to feel positive. During the lockdown I didn't do anything different. Some days I would head out to the driveway and put some mats down, so I wouldn't break the concrete. Or break the weights. Some of the neighbourhood kids would  watch from the street.

My advice to young kids thinking about this as a sport: try something new. Give it a shot. Don't always follow what everyone else is doing. Be confident - never let anyone tell you that you can't.

It takes months and months to train, two days of the competition and about five seconds for the lift. I feel good about my lifting - I don't worry about that. I feel strong.

Sometimes I feel insecure about my body and stuff but most of the time I'm, like, fine with it. Just sometimes I feel vulnerable but I'm pretty carefree most of the time. I listen to a lot of music when I'm training - most of the time rap and hip-hop - and, if I really want to get in the zone, something emotional. Slow jam. Something emotional helps me lift. I find I lift better that way. Like Don't Go Changing by Six60. That kinda thing.

I have a high chance of going next year. It would take something pretty serious to stop me from going.

• David Liti wears a Ta Tatau - a traditional Tongan drawing done after the Commonwealth Games in 2018 by Onehunga tattooist Terje Kolomatangi, of Small Axe studio, in Onehunga.
• Liti also wears a traditional Tongan dress - a kahoa, the diagonal strap; kafa, around his waist; and a lava lava, plus a 10kg weight and belt.

I play hockey but that is not all who I am

At the last Olympics in Rio, I noticed you collect this tidal wave of energy coming to the shore, coming at you from the crowd.  The emotion it brings ... There's a sense of pride in that experience, that you get to show what you've got.

But you are always after that elusive gold medal. To go to the Tokyo Olympics, which I know would have been impeccably run, professional - once in a lifetime - it's hugely exciting. But in the position I'm in now ...  to have an opportunity even - like, I can't turn that down because there's so many would love that opportunity. I hold on to that.

It's so surreal - I would have been in Japan by now ... I was in the squad.  It's been tough but I'm not on the verge of tears. It is what it is. There are plenty of other people who have lost jobs [through Covid-19] and have been just as devastated by this, if not more. It's all relative.

You learn how to deal with it. The future is never certain. You're always training and there are a whole host of things that can derail you. I guess this is quite different to say an injury or you don't make the team, because with that, there is always a Plan B. You rest, you nurse your injury. But to go from having so much to absolutely nothing was quite an adjustment.

I'm still really  passionate about what our team can do. But I definitely have thought about what else is out there. So many thoughts go through your mind:  am I wasting my time? Do I love this anymore? It's caused me such turmoil in the past couple of months. I have to explore my life outside hockey - it's really important. Especially in a sport that's not professional.

But it’s a no-brainer for me. As an athlete - or anyone super-focused on your goals, you never have certainty in anything.

Without being cliched, it's so important to be present and enjoy what you have. I haven't had hockey or any work - but I've had the ability to move my body every day, to spend more time with my boyfriend and my flatmates and friends and family.

It's not the defining thing of my life. I play hockey but that is not all who I am. That is something I have really had to come to terms with.

But good things come from bad circumstances - you have to try and keep that in your head. In the tough times. And the good times. 

• Rose Keddell wears a gold necklace, a gift from her father after her 200th game.
• Gregory dress, Mi Piaci shoes, blazer by Shjark and Paris Georgia skirt.

All is not lost

The worst thing was the uncertainty. Not knowing if the Olympics would be cancelled - if everything I'd done and worked towards would count towards next year.

It's the year-and-a-half of your life on hold. Will I have the edge? Absolutely 100 per cent I know I'm not alone in this. We put a lot of work building - not just training but how to deal with setbacks and to continue and manage the day-to-day - and you realise all those little things that are totally irrelevant. I had to put this all into practice.
I have never said "I can't do this." All is not lost. Not at all.

I mean there were definitely conversations with my husband. I'm 30 years old. There's a point at which I want to look to having a family - but it's not just me, the sacrifices have been made by many, a whole team who has travelled six-plus times a year, for two years, totally self-funded. It's devastating for the athletes but I feel for everyone around us. The club, the coach, my family - they have all been supporting me.

I kept a regime. I've trained all the way through, because I have a full set-up at home. I enjoy training - it's fun for me but the challenge I guess is to continue to work really hard and stay uninjured, stay in good shape for next year.

We found out what our new selection criteria was - everything we did up to level 4 when the event was cancelled is still valid, which is a huge positive.

I'm in a good place now, knowing that going into the last qualifier to solidify my position - knowing all that still counts.

• Megan Gifford wears Ruby dress, Harris Tapper shirt and Shjark pants.

Mentally I'm really strong and really hungry to compete

I injured myself a week before lockdown and the doctor said then "put your feet up" and then so did the Government. It was good timing for me.

My injury isn't 100 per cent yet but I'm just loving being back in the ocean.

I'd never been injured before and it helped me reset and make me realise what I really want to achieve. I have time on my hands so I can get fitter and stronger for when I can compete again. In terms of qualifying, there are five more spots up for grabs - and we'll go to the ISA world surfing games - three males, three females - and to represent  New Zealand. The worst-case scenario for me is if I lose in the first round and two fellow Kiwi competitors get first and second, then I'm knocked out. But the chances of that happening are very slim. So I'm preparing myself to be heading out there, to Tokyo, in a year and hopefully it all happens.

With surfing, the ocean is always changing, so it's a little bit different, say, if you are riding your bike around the same track. But surfers are always adapting. We travel around the world to all sorts of surf and we have to adapt to those places and be the best we can. I'm using this time to learn more, mentally I'm really strong and really hungry to compete and get better.

I've been surfing at Raglan, at Ngaru[nui] Beach - that's pretty much my go-to - it's my favourite place. I have been to Gisborne and the Coromandel. I'm trying to do some missions around New Zealand while we can because I travel a lot and this is a chance to make the most of it and travel around our beautiful country.

• Billy wears a pounamu pendant, a gift from his wife, Liana.
• Workshop polo shirt and his own shorts and Workshop shirt and jeans.