Kim Davey: Fire your downbeat friends

Kim Davey

All you need is LOVE. Dah, dah, dah, dah, daaaaaaaaa. All you need is LOVE, love. Love is all you need...........
Well, The Beatles were half right.
The world is a much better place with love. And human beings really do NEED it. It's organic. It's instinctive.
But the reason The Beatles were only half right is because if you have love, but you also have the opposite of love showing up in your life, then you still won't be a very happy chappy.
So while this column starts off all lovey dovey, today I wanted to talk about FIRING "friends", family and acquaintances. There you go, great topic! Grab a coffee, let's chat.
Firing friends, family and acquaintances. It is an interesting concept and one that I am starting to see the benefits of. Just like firing or being fired from a job, it means there is no longer a need for the relationship to continue.
Your life is supposed to be wonderful. It is meant to be an incredibly joyous, expansive experience where you follow your talents, push through your comfort zones, expand your horizons and achieve your dreams. But sometimes there are certain people who seem to want to put a halt to this process. Why? Many reasons. Their own fears, their own pre-constructed beliefs around what is possible for you, fear of losing you, jealously, fear of being left behind. The list is endless.
But none of it matters. That is their stuff. Not yours. We cannot control the actions of others no matter how hard we try. The only people we can control are ourselves. It is for this reason that we are personally responsible for ensuring we make the most out of our lives and are not held back, belittled or made to self doubt ourselves based on the insecurities of others. This is where the concept of FIRING your friends comes in.
If there are people in your life right now that make you feel less than fabulous - FIRE THEM (just like Donald Trump) - get rid of them. We all know someone who is Mr Negativity or Miss Whiny or Mr and Mrs Nosy or Miss Blabbermouth or Mr Put-me-down (careful, it may be you!). These people do not deserve your friendship. Simply tell them, "you are not fun to be around, you don't make me feel very good so I don't want to see you again until you can take a more positive spin on life." Harsh but necessary! FIRE them!
Family is a little trickier. It's blood, right? Nope. The same rules apply. If there are members of your family that do not serve your wellbeing you need to first have the conversation around how you feel and if nothing comes of it, FIRE THEM. There is absolutely nothing to stop relationships being re-established when the negative party comes to their senses but in the interim you just can't spend your time there. Families are there for love and support, nurturing and encouraging. If you are not receiving this (please stop and think hard if you are not giving this) then find it in fabulous people elsewhere. You don't have to cut people out completely, just choose when you want to interact. Your life and happiness is so very important. Did you know that the quality of your life is determined by the six people you spend the most time with? It's true ... if you feel crap - see who's around you, what is their outlook? If you have no money - see who's around you, what are their money habits? If you have no love, see who's around you. If you are successful, see whose around you. It gets very interesting.
The great thing about the human mind is that it cannot differentiate between real and imagined. So if your current circumstance is not pleasing to you, you can change it. While meeting an entirely new set of friends immediately may be difficult (but not impossible) you can begin by reading biographies of people who inspire and uplift you - Richard Branson, Oprah Winfrey, whoever. Changing and purposefully selecting the people you spend the most time with will significantly change your mood, mindset and health.
Life is too short to be held back by negative people. There are so many awesome, intelligent, active, fun, full of life, positive people out there who raise your spirits when around them. So choosing (and it is a choice) to surround yourself with Mr and Mrs Negative is just plain nuts! Make the decision that you deserve the best and go find the people who will help you to achieve that.
Be Real. Be True. Be You!
#Kim Davey is an international speaker, author and entrepreneur who lives in Hawke's Bay and Los Angeles. She runs nzdancenetwork.co.nz, dancelifestudios.co.nz and kimdaveylive.com