Due to the Tukituki River's unholy marriage with the Waipukurau oxidation ponds, whitebait from its mouth are very safe from mine.
So, with my sons about a fortnight ago, I instead tried the Ngaruroro River.
The first net wash snared some nylon (understandable), a milk bottle top (weird) and what looked like toilet paper (a serious appetite suppressor).
A few days later the Recreational Water Quality Monitoring report was released.
Compiled annually by the Hawke's Bay Regional Council in conjunction with the Public Health Unit of the Hawke's Bay District Health board and territorial local authorities, it made for grim reading.
There were improvements, there were declines. Fluctuations, seasonal anomalies. Three of the eight shellfish-gathering sites monitored were 100 per cent compliant with the two ministries' guidelines, while the remaining five sites failed to comply.
Heavy rainfall and the subsequent faecal runoff was one offered explanation; the purest water of all to blame for the fouling of the others.
Notwithstanding Mother Nature's clout, it'd be nice to think our species, too, has a degree of leverage over the quality of our water.
Furthermore, it'd be nice to think the regional council would, in addition to policing the matter, articulate a plan of attack. Surely there's more to the stench than compiling an annual bill of health.
The report recommended "faecal source tracking". Wow. I'm hoping the follow-your-nose advice didn't cost too much.
Meanwhile, ever patient with the glacial progress, we wait for next year's report, where we'll be reminded again that monitoring has subverted the job of mending.