My first job was ... I worked at Weight Watchers and my job was to weigh people and tell them if they'd lost or gained weight that week. I was literally the official Weight Watcher. I was 16 at the time and most people who did my job had gone through the Weight Watchers programme. I just got the job because my sister was a leader. So every so often, one of the members would be like, "What was your weight loss journey?" and I'd be like, "Ahh, I'm just a child and I had McDonald's on the way here."
It taught me … a lot of people skills, I think. I learned that weight loss is a massive deal for people and how to talk delicately about it. It was mostly women in these groups and they were awesome, they always remembered my name and wanted to have a good chat. I also learned that my diet is HORRIBLE, and it definitely made me have far less midnight snacks.
My big break came … when I won a competition to appear on 7 Days before I started comedy. I thought I was going to be on the whole episode but I was just on for one segment. In hindsight, thank goodness that was the case. I would've been terrible at it.
The last job I quit was … I used to do kids' birthday parties, which was a good job for the weekends while I was studying but was so exhausting. I just remember being dressed up as Elsa, trying to navigate to these houses in the middle of nowhere and swearing at my GPS. One time my window was down and a kid in the next car was horrified. It was really fun, but quite often I'd be too tall for the outfits, so Tinkerbell was a little bit more PG13 than she should've been.
The most famous person I've ever met is … probably Steven Adams. I think quite a few New Zealanders have met him. He was at a restaurant next door to where I was having a drink. Someone told me he was there and I just went over. I am so obsessed with him and had a few wines, so it did not go as planned.
He was … lovely but I did interrupt his meal, so it wasn't the ideal circumstances. I panicked and said, "You play basketball." He said "Yes." So I said "I also play basketball," as if my social games on Saturday are comparable to the NBA. I'm still flustered thinking about it.
The best time I've had on stage/set was … I perform so much that it's probably hard to nail it down to one gig. I'd probably say doing the NZ Comedy Gala was pretty phenomenal. There were more than 1000 people in the audience and I was properly shook. Usually if you do poorly in a gig no one has to know but this was being televised. I couldn't eat anything all day and when it was finally over I was so relieved. It was such a rush and I had such a great time.
But the worst was … probably my second ever gig. As part of the 7 Days competition I got to do a corporate gig for some company. My first gig went so well that I was like, "Well, I'll just do the exact same thing and it'll go well." That was not correct. It was a bunch of older guys in business suits who just wanted to eat their dinner and I was cruelly interrupting them.
My dream role would be … I really have no idea. I'd love to be in a movie, I guess. Although I don't think I'm the greatest actor in the world. I want to be in a movie where they'll do 4000 takes and one of them turns out all right and then I win an Oscar. More realistically, I just want to keep doing comedy and hopefully more people like me.
Melanie Bracewell performs in her Billy T Award-winning show, Melodrama, at the Basement Theatre, September 6-8, 7pm.