I have always had a fascination with phonetics as I have also with lazy lingo and corporate korero (talk). It can be quite a giveaway when trying to work out the nature of the beast that you are bargaining with when it comes to doing "the deal".
For instance, anyone that starts a sentence with "to tell you the truth" or, "to be quite honest", warrants close scrutiny because what they are really saying is that everything up until then could be anything but the truth.
It's kind of like driving past a huge billboard boasting a big bunch of dads called Promise Keepers. Why do you need to tell Tauranga that you are going to keep a promise?
For my two bobs' worth it says to me that you are setting yourself up for failure when you need to belong to a fatherhood of promise keepers, but then again, breaking oaths fuels the fire of guilt and guilt is the recruiting agent for religion.
Thankfully my mates and I who did the born-again baptism by fire and talking in tongues thing, back in the late 1970s and early 80s, worked it out that sin was not created by God but by man to fuel the guilt on which religious institutions need to survive.
But the good news is there is hell that caters for hedonists because it just opened up an excellent pizza outlet in the heart of _ of all places _ Bethlehem.
My young fella came home from school the other day a little confused but more amused because most of his mates were not allowed to dine at the devil's oven for a feed of Hell's pizza.
Just about as religiously ridiculous is the sacredness of a sackful of middens aka pipi shells that has thrown a spanner in the roadworks at Pilot Bay.
Now I am all for cultural correctness when it is warranted but what next, closing down KFC because someone found a couple of old wishbones on the lawn outside?
I reckon you have about as much chance of finding the devil dining at Hell's pizza parlour in Bethlehem as you would finding moa bones outside KFC, or the lost tomb of Tutenkhamen lying down next to a pipi bed on Pilot Bay.
Now you can dress mutton up as lamb or try and make toffee out of dog droppings but selling this story to sorry moteliers is like saying that a throat-slitting haka does not promote a violent perception. So why do it?
What kind of message are we sending our children and the wider world when we sing the song of redemption and respect of our cultural and religious beliefs, yet we dance to the beat of a broken promise?
Is August the month of madness or is it just the winter having the last laugh before the environment belches back at the real robbers of the whenua, who preach truth, honesty and promise-keeping, yet poison papatuanuku (earth mother) for profit?
Who knows but there could just be a miracle needed to keep the promise of a reef that will not only yield a perfect wave but a million dollars a year in added value to the local community.
But there are a lot of bouquets to counter-punch the barrage of brickbats I have just thrown, none more so than the Biltong shop at Central Parade, the new Quarry restaurant that rocks in Te Puna, the $8 breakfast at Jets in the main street of downtown Mount, Brumbys' bread and if you really want to do your tongue a flavour, check out Scoops at Bayfair, it really is a religious experience that will take you closer to God.
And if you need a bit of divine inspiration, then the stairway to heaven can be found at the Rialto theatre on Devonport Road in the form of a magic movie called As It Is In Heaven . This is a film that every father should promise to see with his family, it's a real keeper!
And a big bouquet to Greerton Rugby Club, who were not only gracious in defeat last Saturday against Arataki but set the standard of how you put together a winning club off the field.
The writing is on the scoreboard for them to enter premiere-grade rugby in the Bay of Plenty competition next season.
The Te Reo _ living language _ word for this week is pono (truth and honesty). May we be our own billboards and be pono to ourselves.
Pai marire (peace)
Tommy@indigenous.org
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