Can you explain what you mean by 'invisible load'?
Each of us carries with us a weight that silently drives the stress we feel. We may not realise it is there which is why I call it your invisible load and it might be physical or emotional, or both.
Physically, your invisible load is your body's manifestation of the stress you feel.
Symptoms such as exhaustion, unexplained weight gain, PMS or an uncomfortable menopausal transition, digestive complaints like bloating, frequent headaches or even sugar cravings and restless sleep are very likely linked to the invisible load on your body.
However, we aren't always aware that stress has been kicking on in the background for years so we may not realise this is what it is. The invisible load on your emotions is somewhat harder to pinpoint because you will probably feel that it is just part of who you are — it's been fused with your identity.
Constructed from your life experiences and the beliefs you have created from these experiences, it filters across every thought you have, affecting how you react and respond to the situations in your life that you face on a daily basis.
What are the three top tips you would give for dealing with the invisible load?
1. Take responsibility for where you find yourself — ie. it's not the 'things' in your life that are creating your overwhelm, it's your thoughts and perceptions about them that do.
2. Align your life with your values. Ask yourself 'how do I want to live?' and then start taking steps — large and small — towards that. Many people wait to live in the way that they want to until something external to them shifts or they reach a certain age. This might (or not) be absolutely necessary for now, but it doesn't mean you can't take other more minor steps towards living the way you want to, until some of the bigger things can shift.
3. Listen to your body's messages. It's likely your body's overwhelm in action when you suffer with symptoms such as exhaustion, weight gain, digestive complaints like bloating, uncomfortable periods or menopausal transitions, frequent headaches, or even sugar cravings and restless sleep. Yet, many people get frustrated with these symptoms instead of bringing their attention to what they might be trying to tell them. Your body is your best barometer for your levels of stress and overwhelm, pay attention to what it's telling you and learn to decipher its messages.
You talk about the person in relationships who has to hold things together and 'remember' everything. Can you discuss the likely impact of having that role, and how this stress can be combated?
In most organised groups — families and businesses, for example — there is typically someone who is the 'Rememberer' of most of the details. They are the one who carries the invisible load.
The others (knowingly or unknowingly) tend to passively wait for directions. Some people will be Rememberers in one part of their life and in others they will wait for directions.
Other people will hold the mantle of Rememberer firmly in all areas of their lives and they'll likely be feeling the full weight of the heavy load.
Trying to foresee the major and minor discomforts that might come if a ball gets dropped, they wish that there was some respite from this burden they carry. But they feel as though they can't take a break because, if they did, their whole world would fall apart.
Plus, because the load they carry is invisible — there's not a list or a run sheet to work from, it's all about the little (and large) things in their head — they don't see how they could take a month off from the remembering duties. So, it all feels relentless.
If you resonate with being the Rememberer in the groups you are part of, take small (or large!) steps towards delegating some tasks, and teach others what you know they could handle.
You talk about reframing thoughts from 'I have to' and instead say 'I get to'. Can you explain why this is important?
If our thoughts and perception drive our stress response, reframing some of our common thought patterns can make an incredible difference to our invisible load. When we're caught up in the day-to-day doings of our lives — the picking up of children from school, the duties and responsibilities of managing a household, earning a living, for example — it's easy to hold these things in your mind as a kind of mental checklist.
They become all the things you 'have to' do every day and you forget to enjoy them. So reframing 'I have to' into 'I get to', reminds us to bring gratitude to the things we have the opportunity to do each day. Many of those things — taking your children to school, for example — won't remain the case forever and you may miss those opportunities and wish you allowed yourself to enjoy them more down the track. It also helps you to make the most of your time on Earth.
— Dr Libby is a nutritional biochemist, bestselling author, speaker and founder of the plant-based supplement range Bio Blends. She is speaking about overwhelm throughout New Zealand through till October and has released her new book The Invisible Load: A guide to overcoming stress and overwhelm. See drlibby.com.
the details
Overcoming Overwhelm - Tauranga
If you've ever found yourself at the end of your tether — overextended, exhausted, or feeling like you might just snap — then you know overwhelm. Come and spend the evening with Dr Libby as she tours throughout New Zealand and Australia sharing a brand-new perspective on overwhelm and stress.
When: Tuesday, September 24, 7pm-9pm (doors open 6.15pm)
Where: Trustpower Baypark Stadium, Stadium Lounge, 81 Truman Lane, Mount Maunganui, Tauranga.