Tips for taming teenagers

Nigel Latta recommends the silverback gorilla technique.

Imagine you are a single mother, with a 14-year-old son whose bedroom is a tip. During one argument over mouldy toast under the bed, he punches a hole in the wall. He is so bad-tempered and unpredictable you're secretly slightly scared of him. What do you do?

Not easy, says clinical psychologist, Nigel Latta. But do-able.

The first thing to realise is that teenagers have outgrown their brains. Their judgment is faulty.

Most of the time they're driven by hormones and physical triggers that mean they are not in control of either their minds or their bodies.

"If you take teenagers seriously they can be terribly hurtful," he says. "I spend a lot of time explaining to parents that though their child is looking more and more like an adult he's still a long way from being there. So when he starts saying 'I hate you', and 'you're a fucking bitch', you shouldn't take it seriously."

"It doesn't excuse the behaviour but if you can understand it, it doesn't freak you out, scare you or hurt you quite as much."

Once you have calmed down, he says, take control of the situation. Be the adult. Act confident. Above all, don't get emotionally involved no matter how much they taunt you. Latta talks fast and furious, his sentences laced with swear words and pithy sayings.

He claims to have started whacking his kids because of Sue Bradford and recommends watching the parenting style of silverback gorillas on Youtube to get a feel for how laid-back you need to be. And true, after a few minutes of watching the silverbacks mooch around on their knuckles, chew leaves, twirl with joy to the spray of a hose, play with their babies and deal the odd swipe when they need to, you start to get the idea.'

The next step is to follow the detailed instructions in his new book, Before Your Teenagers Drive You Crazy, Read This!

If this all sounds way over-the-top it is important to realise that 40-year-old Latta has a string of qualifications in both private and government-related counselling that stretches to 18 years of dealing with many of this country's nastiest, rudest, worst-behaved children and teenagers.

He graduated with honours in psychology from Auckland University then moved on to a postgraduate diploma in clinical psychology. His supervisor was Ian Lambie, now Auckland University's senior lecturer in psychology and specialist in child and teenage forensic psycholgist, and the two have worked together on various programmes, ever since.

Latta also has sons of his own, and though they only five and eight admits that until he became a father, had a much less realistic grip on how to work with kids. His first non-fiction book, Into The Darklands, which looked at the workings of the criminal mind, was made into a television series starring the psychoses of criminals including William Bell, Jules Mikus, Taffy Hotene and Terry Clark.