When will we stop pretending we are a South Pacific outpost of the Windsor family who reside in London? Betty Windsor is the Queen of England. She's still ours, too.
When her parents ruled us, one fourth of the world was part of their empire. Now Britain ranks barely equal to France and Germany in influence.
Globally, it's content to being the erstwhile deputy sheriff to the United States. How absurd is it that our head of state dons her English regalia and sends off her subjects to be slaughtered in an Iraq invasion whilst the loyal government she heads, in New Zealand, opposes it?
Do we suffer some deep grained inferiority complex that we want some old English biddy to be our head of state? I suspect and hope it's more about that we don't really care.
But it does matter. It's surreal that our law prevents a New Zealand-born citizen being our head of state. Instead we let out-of-touch dysfunctional English toffs take that honour.
Their feudal institution is sexist and anti-Catholic. Male heirs inherit the top job ahead of their female siblings; and they get sacked if they marry a Catholic. And, because of inbreeding, no one who isn't of Aryan stock gets a look in, either.
It seems whilst local mortals like us are expected to abide by anti-discrimination laws, our feudal monarchy is given a God-like status and is exempt. How bizarre is this to other world citizens, I wonder? It was a joke last century. It's just black humour now.
It's not like Mrs Windsor cares a toss about us. She couldn't summon up the enthusiasm to send even one of her spoilt offspring to attend Sir Ed Hillary's funeral. He was our country's greatest citizen, yet it took a lot of lobbying before the Windsor clan conceded to attend a small service for him, albeit over there.
Obviously no lessons were learnt from Diana Spencer's death. And we still want them to be our feudal lord? Good grief.
Anyone who has half a brain and thinks about it for a minute knows what a crock it is having a foreign hereditary monarch as our ruler. It's ludicrous and insulting to every New Zealander. We don't need them and they, frankly, don't want us.
For some reason, poll after poll says we don't want a republic. Yet we are effectively a republic.
After World War II New Zealand became constitutionally independent and our Government doesn't consult Queen Elizabeth on anything. Our Government has inherited the role of Crown in terms of Waitangi Treaty and there is no appeal to British courts. We separated from the monarchy a long time ago. Now we need to officially divorce. But we can still be friends.
The New Zealand Herald's campaign to change our outdated flag is a good start.
Green MP Keith Locke also is helping us grow up. He has a bill expected to come up in Parliament this month asking for a public referendum with three options: do we want to keep an English monarch as our Head of State; a New Zealand head of state approved by 75 per cent of Parliament; or someone elected directly by the people.
Our Prime Minister champions a referendum on our voting system, yet he has run a mile from this. When asked about it, he flatly ruled it out, even though he hadn't consulted his caucus. Maybe he's starting to think he's our king and can make arbitrary rulings without consultation with his party or Parliament.
Locke says several Nats and Act MPs support the bill and, with their votes, he can get it passed.
Our country's constitutional framework is a fiction and the farce needs to stop. Let's get Locke's bill passed so we can have a grown up discussion about our future. We can't live in the past forever. It isn't treason and Mrs Windsor won't mind a bit.By Matt McCarten Email Matt