Jake [not his real name] lost his marriage, his job, his driver's licence, and nearly his children because of his alcohol and violence.
The Wanganui man who became "a monster" after drinking alcohol has a message for other men in his situation: there is another way.
Jake will take part in the White Ribbon march today to pledge his commitment to never be violent again and he is encouraging other men to join him.
Jake grew up in the Pacific Islands with 10 brothers and sisters, and had a happy but strict and religious upbringing. Circumstances meant the family had to be separated for long periods of time when Jake was about 16 years old, leaving him as "the man of the house".
With parental discipline relaxed, Jake started drinking homebrew alcohol with his friends and quickly became addicted.
Previously a model student who made his family proud, his schooling began to suffer - and he once swapped one of his father's prize pigs to score a bottle of vodka.
When he left school he joined the army and graduated to stronger alcohol - including methylated spirits.
"We used to mix it with things like pineapple to make it taste better," he said.
He moved to New Zealand, where the power of easily accessible alcohol was to be his downfall.
"I would buy a box, two boxes, of Cody's [a bourbon and coke mix] and drink them in a day. It was nothing."
Jake married a New Zealand woman, and he and his wife had two daughters - but still his drinking continued.
There were episodes of violence, including one when Jake hit his wife, and often when he had been drinking he would get angry and threaten his family. He also had numerous convictions for drink driving.
One day Jake had had an argument with a co-worker and came home and took out his anger on his wife. She fled to a refuge centre with her daughters and Jake went after her. Thinking she was at her parents' house, he went there, and they called the police.
Jake again faced a charge of drink driving and this time he was given a six-month prison sentence. For his wife it was the final straw and she divorced him.
Jake's eyes fill with tears as he remembers the moment he knew he had to quit the bottle.
"I was watching my girls leave church to walk to their mother's home, and I realised that I was a bad father to them - a really useless father. And I knew I had to stop drinking. I love those girls, they are my life.
"Alcohol was my pain relief, I depended on it, but that had to change."
After a hard struggle, Jake's life has now indeed changed. He has a steady job, goes to the gym, grows his own vegetables, and spends time with his daughters. He has been sober for one year.
Although he regrets the break-up of his marriage he wants to look forward to a positive future.
"I don't blame her at all for divorcing me. Once I started drinking I was a monster."
He said his ex-wife is an excellent mother and is doing a good job of bringing up their daughters, who are now teenagers and starting to go to parties.
Both he and his ex-wife have talked to their daughters honestly about alcohol.
Jake now deals with the difficult stuff in his life by going to the gym.
"I work up a sweat and I love it. It makes me feel really good."
For men who are in a similar position, Jake has some advice.
"Alcohol and violence are not the solution, they're the problem. You will feel so much better without them.
"I'm happier and healthier, and I think clearer. I feel alive."