Thomas Russell can't remember anything about the freak accident that left him paralysed from the neck down.
But that doesn't worry the 31-year-old jockey - he's not looking back; he's looking forward. For him, dwelling on the negative is simply not an option.
"The doctors haven't said I will regain the use of my limbs again ... but they haven't said I won't either," said Russell, back home in Wanganui at the weekend for the first time since disaster struck when he fell from his horse on June 19.
"I know false hope is not something to cling to, but I am optimistic I will make some progress. How far I don't know, but I'm resigned to dealing with whatever happens.
"A positive attitude is the only attitude to have."
The accident happened while riding trackwork at Raymond Connors' track in Bulls. He was flown to Christchurch Hospital before being transferred to the Burwood Spinal Unit.
Initially on a ventilator to help him breathe, Russell has improved substantially and, though wheelchair-bound, is able to work with the specialist staff to adapt to a new way of life.
Partner Pip D'Arcy-Brain has been by his side since the accident. They are assessing what alterations need to be done to their home before they return for good on December 17.
The jockey has no recollection of the accident or even earlier that morning when he rode at the jumpouts (unofficial trials) in Wanganui.
"I can't remember anything about it - apparently it was just the awkward way I fell," he said.
"Nothing was to blame. The horse was not a nasty type or anything."
Said Pip: "Raymond and I saw what happened and rushed over and comforted him until the medics arrived."
The fall caused a break at the base of his neck.
"I have a break between the C4 and C5 vertebrae, but the spinal chord wasn't severed, it was just severely bruised. Your spinal chord is as soft as a banana," Russell said.
"The doctors and staff at Burwood are highly specialised and great to deal with. They have been an enormous help in my recovery."
When you see the couple together, it is immediately obvious that their bond is also an enormous factor.
Pip is naturally bubbly and her effervescence and positivity are infectious.
"Pip has been down in Christchurch with me the whole time, although she has come home a couple of times to arrange things with ACC and to talk to the architects. She's been great."
ACC has already funded the construction of access ramps at the house and Pip has been liaising with architects to eliminate interior obstacles.
"ACC suggested we come home for a few days to identify any other obstacles," she said.
"Luckily Tommy is only little and doesn't need a really big wheelchair so can get around the house okay. There are a few things that will need doing."
The Thomas Russell Fundraising Campaign - set up by fellow jockey Darryl Bradley - has already reached nearly $160,000.
"What Darryl has done is amazing," said Russell.
"While we knew each other as jockeys and shared the odd ride to race meetings, I wouldn't have said we were best mates. But we are very goods mates now and I can't thank him enough.
"Then there's all the generous people who helped and contributed. It's been a very humbling experience and certainly helped make the ordeal less stressful."
He also paid tribute to former jockey Tony Williams who passed away last week at the age of 58.
Williams' successful riding career was cut short when he was involved in an eight-horse fall at Rotorua in 1984 which left him confined to a wheelchair.
Before his death, Williams donated items, including much of his riding gear, to be auctioned to raise funds for Russell.
"I'd never met the man, but what he did just showed what a kind and caring person he was."