Santa, slip this lot on sleigh

By Heather McCracken

Dear Santa,

I thought I'd send you a few hints about presents, in case you're stuck for ideas.

I realise I'm a bit old to be on your Christmas list, but I've been trying to be good.

I always recycle and sometimes take reusable bags to the supermarket.

What I'd like this year is for people who like to joyride up and down beaches on motorbikes to spend their holidays somewhere else. I'm not saying they shouldn't get to have fun, but perhaps they could go and have it at a designated noisy motorsport beach.

Then the rest of us can get on with reading and swimming and maybe having a sneaky afternoon nap.

While you're at it, could the people who go camping with nothing but a large stereo and several chilly bins full of beer please be directed towards very remote campgrounds in another part of the country.

Please don't give anyone a jet ski for Christmas, no matter how good they've been, and if anyone asks for one of those big remote-controlled boats that make a high-pitched buzzing noise like a swarm of angry bees - Santa, I beg you. Just say no.

But what I'd really like for Christmas, more than anything, is a summer.

Not a wet, windy, cloudy, summer, with brief snatches of sunshine only when I'm at work. I'd like to have hot, still, cloudless days, long warm evenings, and the odd burst of fresh summer rain. Santa, we got stiffed last year, and I think we deserve it. All the best for the holidays,

Yours, Heather


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