By DEBBIE HUMPHRY Herald correspondent
"We only got about three congratulatory cards when we adopted the boys," says Rachel Wilson, "which is odd. It says something about how adoption is viewed in our society."
She and her husband, Paul, adopted Wayne and Mark in Britain seven years ago when the boys were 6 and 7. As "older boys," they were in the hardest category to place.
If you are not a Hollywood star with limitless resources, it is extremely hard to adopt a newborn. In the United States, where a mother can choose the adoptive parents for her child, a high-profile couple may have a better chance.
Adoption is something of a Hollywood tradition. Michelle Pfeiffer adopted a 2-year-old girl when she was single, while Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman adopted their two children. Sharon Stone made a deal with a pregnant teenager to adopt her baby after a series of miscarriages.
In Britain, where babies are rarely available for adoption, the process has been criticised for being too cumbersome.
Rachel Wilson says: "When I first contacted social services, it was hideous. The woman at the end of the phone said, 'We don't want middle-class white people who want babies'."
The British Government's white paper on adoption, released last month, outlines the most radical reform of adoption law and procedure for 25 years. Driven by Prime Minister Tony Blair, whose father was adopted, the proposals aim to place each child with a family within six months.
However, attempts to simplify and speed the process are complicated by the fact that the children in need of adoption are mostly older, and matching children to adopters is not easy.
Most children waiting for adoption in Britain are over 4, many have mental health problems, some have learning difficulties or physical disabilities and a number have been sexually abused.
Research shows that the number of adopted children being returned into care is increasing, with a failure rate as high as 50 per cent for older children.
Rachel Wilson says her two boys, who were badly neglected and abused before their adoption and had lived in 23 different homes, were very difficult.
"You think of everything they've been through. Locked out of the house all night as punishment, lack of adequate food and clothing with absolutely no one to trust.
"I can understand why placements fail, although I'm horrified by it. It's a wonderful thing to adopt older children, but it's not an easy road."
She feels that although information should be available, it must be handled carefully.
"If you read the [social workers'] notes, it's such a horror story you wouldn't do it. What was most helpful was to meet people who knew the children.
"We didn't really have any idea of how hard it would be. They don't tell you how embarrassed you're going to be when they do stuff like eat food out of rubbish bins and I didn't know how to handle it. I felt that other parents judged me as an abusive mother because they were behaving like abused children."
The Government is considering proposals to give one adoptive parent a right to paid adoption leave for 18 weeks. Rachel Wilson, a barrister, gave up her career for two years when she adopted the boys.
"I actually did cleaning jobs because I felt I had to be contactable."
Adoption processes may be speeded up under the new provisions, but becoming a family cannot. Rachel Wilson says it took about 18 months to get through the worst of their problems.
"The main thing was that they weren't able to trust. They'd never felt it, it wasn't in their vocabulary. I'd hear Mark saying, 'We have to be good or we'll be sent away'."
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