I want to have a word with the person who invented the fast-forward and rewind functions for live television.
I know, I know, I'm sure it has some useful applications and it's a handy part of modern life, but boy does it get annoying when someone can't seem to help themselves, and they're forever pausing and rewinding and replaying things instead of simply watching and engaging with what's on the screen.
The last week has been a good case in point, with all the Fifa World Cup action and the rugby. Now, I like to watch fantastic goals or impressive tries as much as the next guy and, sure, sometimes I like to see them more than once. Specially the header that Van Persie scored in the Netherlands v Spain match, or the final try Julian Savea scored in the third English test.
But here's my problem. I don't need to go back and forward over these moments in minute detail during the middle of the game. I don't mind if the TV broadcast uses a brief replay to fill in a few moments while someone sets up a corner kick or a penalty - we have no choice in that, anyway.
But constantly cutting into the action from your lounge by going, "ooh, let's take another look at that tackle", or "check out that pass", and jumping back and forward, using slow-motion, and forever re-examining plays that only just happened - in my book, that's kind of missing the point.
Post-match analysis is just fine, but when you're watching live, you should be enjoying the flow of the game. You should be enjoying the build-up of tension, the competitive energy, the explosiveness of the athleticism and talent, and that overarching battle-type narrative - will the good guys win?
It sounds obvious, but that's why watching sport is entertaining, and why taking the game apart piece by piece while there's still plenty of action unfolding, makes me about as frustrated as a misunderstood child - and will potentially lead to some sort of wild snatching of the remote with a screech of "get your hand off it!" Or at least that's what I'm imagining, as I fume in silence.
And even worse, can you imagine doing that type of thing during the latest episode of Game of Thrones, or Broadchurch?
"Oh wait, I just want to go back and see how he managed to jump around that guy and slice him through the leg during that swordfight" or "hmm, it would be great to see her face in that moment when she was accused of lying one more time".
Actors, directors, editors, they all spend a great deal of time getting things just so - the pacing, the way action moves from one moment to the next, the things they want you to linger on, the way they build and release suspense, or trigger certain emotions. Then you go and undo all of that effort by fiddling around with the remote buttons, and making things all stop-start.
I really don't care if you missed that last line of dialogue, or want to double check whether or not that tackle was legal - either pay attention the first time or wait until it's over (or at least half-time), and stop undoing all the excitement for the rest of us.
- TimeOut