Welcome to my final column. I hope you have enjoyed them over the past few years. I certainly have enjoyed putting them together!
Here are some of my favourite quotes: Albert Einstein had a description for 'Insanity': doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same result.
In other words, don't complain about your life if you're not prepared to make changes. The only person who can make a difference is you. If you want to keep getting the same old, just keep doing the same old. But when we change we have to leave some of the old and familiar behind. It isn't always easy. All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France
Change always comes bearing gifts. ~Price Pritchett
If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. There are those of us who cling desperately to what we've got. The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in order to have artificial ones which will give him no pain or trouble. ~ Henry Mille
.....and often to allow change we only have to realign our attitude. If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit
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And what would we do without friends? No birth certificate is issued when friendship is born. There is nothing tangible. There is just a feeling that your life is different and that your capacity to love and care has miraculously been enlarged with out any effort on your part. It's like having a tiny apartment and somebody moves in with you. But instead of becoming cramped and crowded, the space expands, and you discover rooms you never knew you had until your friend moved in with you. - Steve Tesich
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Laughter is still the best medicine: At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities - Jean Houston. So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter - Gordon W Allport. MASH star Alan Alda said it best: 'When people are laughing, they're not generally killing each other.'
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I must apologise for all my 'oldie' jokes over the years, but when you've seen it all I don't think you take life so seriously any more.
Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions!"
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For all you baby boomers, some of your old favourites have re-released their great hits with new lyrics to accommodate their aging audience. Some examples:
Herman's Hermits "Mrs Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker"; The Rolling Stones "You Can't Always Pee When You Want"; Credence Clearwater Revival "Bad Prune Rising"; Marvin Gaye "I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"; The Who "Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"; The Troggs "Bald Thing"; Carly Simon "You're So Varicose Vein"; The Bee Gees "How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"; Roberta Flack "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"; Johnny Nash "I Can't See Clearly Now"; ABBA "Denture Queen"; Leo Sayer "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"; Commodores "Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom"; Procol Harem "A Whiter Shade of Hair"; The Beatles "I Get By with a Little Help From Depends".
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...and then there are the golfing jokes Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late. His wife asks him, "What took you so long?" The guy says, "That was the worst game of golf I've ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack." The guy's wife says, "That's terrible!" The guy says, "I know. Then, for the rest of the game, it was hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie. . ."
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Let's not forget the Irish: Three Irishmen, drunk as can be, come staggering down the street singing Danny Boy at the top of their lungs. They stopped in front of Flaherty's house still singing. After a few minutes the window flies open and Mrs Flaherty yells out, "Why don't you drunken sots go somewhere else!" "Are you Mrs Flaherty?", asks one of the drunks. "You know damn well I am," she says. "Well, can you tell us which one is your husband, so the other two of us can go home!"
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. The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does. Just kidding! I will miss all my mates at the Press. How lucky I am to have worked with so many people who are so hard to say goodbye to.
'May those that love us, love us. And those that don't love us, May God turn their hearts. And if He doesn't turn their hearts, May He turn their ankles So we will know them by their limping.' -Irish blessing.
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One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. - Dale Carnegie
Have a great week!
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