Alan Mullally is one of cricket's quirkiest characters - and he's never been afraid of telling it like it is.
Coming off his fourth drink driving offence, losing $100,000 in a bad business deal and tragically losing his father - it's safe to say the 19-Test veteran has had a rough time since his retirement.
The 47-year-old revealed a sneak peek on what was to come in his autobiography in an interview with ESPN earlier this week.
"My autobiography won't be boring, because I'm not boring," he said.
The former left arm seamer followed a less-than-average path into the world of international cricket after starring for Western Australia in the Sheffield Shield before heading home to pursue a spot in England's Test squad - and that was when he ran into a few familiar Aussie faces.
"Steve Waugh tried to give me his mental disintegration," Mullally said, recalling the time he bowled to Australia's former Test captain.
"I bowled round the wicket and he blocked it. And he said, 'What do you follow-through so far for, Mullally? Anyone would think you're a fast bowler.' And I said, 'Look, Mr Stephen Waugh, the reason I follow through so far is because I'm a very poor athlete and it takes a long time to put the brakes on.'
"He didn't know what to say then."
Steve Waugh wasn't the only one Mullally silenced with his sharp tongue, either. Australian fast bowler Glenn McGrath was renowned for his chatter on the field, but like most things in cricket, it didn't seem to bother the Englishman in the slightest.
"McGrath was getting stuck into me with his mouth once," Mullally recalled. "And I said, 'I'm not interested in your gobshite. If you want to have a full go, I'll meet you round the back after the game.' He got fined three and a half grand and he bought me a beer afterwards, and he goes: 'Al, that beer just cost me three and a half grand.' And we laughed about it."
As handy as he was with the ball, Mullally was atrocious with the bat. Averaging 5.52 in Tests, Mullally was a self-confessed mug with the stick - but at least he had fun. "I didn't take myself seriously with the bat," he said. "Of course I was s**t. But I loved it."
Mullally was so bad that coach David Lloyd offered a huge prize if he could hit over 30 runs in an innings.
"He (Lloyd) said he'd buy me 30 pints of Guinness if I could score 30 against Pakistan. I got to 24, gave the dressing room the signal to get them in, and then Wasim Akram bowled me with a slower ball," he said.
"Walking off, I told him that he was an idiot because he could have shared the Guinness with me. Wasim said that if I'd told him about Bumble's promise, he would have bowled half-volleys to get me to 30."