Steve Braunias: Secret Diary of Richie McCaw

The movie was also a chance to inspire the next generation of Kiwis. Photo / Jason Oxenham
The movie was also a chance to inspire the next generation of Kiwis. Photo / Jason Oxenham

MONDAY

At the end of the day my initial reaction when you talk about doing a film about yourself is that you don't want to seem like you're blowing your own trumpet.

But someone's just handed me a trumpet with my name on it so I'd look like a bit of a clown if I just sat there with it in my hands and didn't give it the odd blow.

So I guess I saw the movie as a chance to, I guess, show what I've learned and what it took to, I guess, follow your dream, and show the background I came from, which was in Kurow, I guess.

No, hang on, it was definitely Kurow.

The movie was also a chance to inspire the next generation of Kiwis that it's possible achieve the things you want to achieve if you work hard and stay focused 100 per cent of the time - but when I say 100 per cent of the time, there's times where you've got to switch off, otherwise you'll go nuts, and a psychotic episode isn't going to help anyone, although in saying that I don't want to give the impression that mental illness is necessarily a bad thing.

Help is available.

So anyway I hope that's inspiring.

Well it looks as though I've given the old trumpet a bit of a hammering so I might just put it aside for a minute and pick it up again tomorrow because that's when the movie has its premiere at the Civic Theatre in Auckland.

TUESDAY

"Nice to meet you," I said to an attractive blonde. "Thanks very much for making the effort to come out tonight, and I hope you enjoy the movie. I'm a little bit nervous to tell you the truth."

"It's me, Gemma," she said.

"Righto, Gemma, thanks again, and maybe we'll see each other afterwards at the bar, where we can sink a few quiet ones."

There was a tap on my shoulder and a bloke with a round face shook my hand.

"Mate," he said.

"Mate," I said.

A woman put her hand on my arm.

"Angela," she said. "Real Housewives of Auckland."

She was suddenly and violently pulled backwards by a woman who pulled her hair, and kicked her as she fell to the ground.

"Gilda," she said. "Real Housewives of Auckland."

I looked desperately around for the bloke with the round face, but he'd done a runner.

WEDNESDAY

Another press conference, another trumpet.

At the end of the day I think if you're putting out the perception that you're living one sort of life, and the reality is you're living another, that's when you get into trouble. With me, what you see is pretty much who I am. If I'm perceived as boring, that's okay.

THURSDAY

At the end of the day I think if you're putting out the perception that you're living one sort of life, and the reality is you're living another, that's when you get into trouble. With me, what you see is pretty much who I am. If I'm perceived as boring, that's okay.

"It's just me and you at home," said Gemma. "How about you fix us a cajun chicken salad, and shut up?"

FRIDAY

I waited till it got dark, and drove to Eden Park with a shovel, a torch, and the trumpet in a sack.

I know every inch of that place and was able to break in without setting off any alarms. I figured the ground was a pretty good place to bury that goddamned trumpet once and for all, and never have to say anything in public ever again.

I got busy digging when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was the bloke with the round face. "Mate," he said. He brought his own shovel, and got to digging.

"Thanks, Shag," I said.

- NZ Herald

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