Northern Mystics and Silver Ferns goal shoot Cathrine Tuivati has spoken of her disappointment at missing out on the Silver Ferns' Netball World Cup campaign last year, and how she has used her omission from the squad to motivate herself to attempt to force her way back into the team.
Speaking to Radio Sport, Tuivati said she believed it was "a good thing" that she gets nervy in the lead up to a Silver Ferns trial, as it means that she isn't getting complacent about her spot in the side.
"I think it's a good thing," Tuivati said of her pre-trial nerves for the Silver Ferns.
"I was hugely disappointed last year and I think that was the big guy upstairs telling me not to get so complacent and that things can be taken away from me if I don't work hard enough for them."
The disappointment Tuivati talked about came in the form of being dropped from the national side going into the Netball World Cup last year in Sydney, with the team going on to make the final, only to lose to hosts Australia by 58-55.
Tuivati was beaten to the final 12-player squad by the likes of fellow goal shooters and goal attackers Jodi Brown, Bailey Mes, Malia Paseka, and superstar Maria Tutaia.
The former Samoan international spoke of how she could have "disappeared altogether" following her omission, but instead used her failure as her motivation to try and make a return to the three-time world champion side.
"It could have been easy for me to curl up in a ball, keep crying, and then just disappear altogether," the 29-year-old said.
"My partner moved away to Italy last year, it would have been easy to pack up and just leave and say 'this isn't for me', but I knew there was a reason, but while I couldn't see the reason at the time, I knew it would come to me sooner or later.
"A little bit later, I found out that this is what I want to do, so I carried on training, hoping that I would find some love and some passion back after being so disappointed, and I got it, so I was really lucky and I'm really grateful that I didn't just shut the door completely."
Tuivati credits her return to grassroots level, where she plays for Waitakere, as where she rediscovered her love and passion for the game following her World Cup heartbreak.
"I went back to Netball Waitakere and played some netball there. I hadn't played there for years, so I went back to where it all started for me, where the pressure had dropped but you were still with friends, but it just took me right back to where it first started and why I started in the first place.
"It was at that point where I thought 'yeah, this is it, this is where I need to be'."
Tuivati has since been selected in a group of 28 players who will trial for the Silver Ferns squad in two weeks time in Auckland.
If successful in her comeback to the international scene, Tuivati and the Silver Ferns will take part in the inaugural Netball Quad Series against Australia, England and South Africa later this month, before hosting Jamaica in the New World Netball Series next month.