Unfortunate sponsorship alert! One of South Asia's biggest soccer clubs, Churchill Brothers, could lose their major sponsor, aphrodisiac manufacturer Musli Power Xtra.

Perhaps having sampled the sponsor's product, three players were involved in an in-flight "molesting" incident involving a stewardess.

But it wasn't their fault, according to club management: "It was very cramped," said Churchill Alemao, patron of the club.

"We have written to the Civil Aviation Minister to call for more space. It is not sensible otherwise." Quite right - airlines can't be too careful in this day and age.

Video nasty

Movie theatres in Pomgolia are to screen England's Six Nations games in 3D. Making it even more like the movie sensation Avatar, they're enlisting Kiwi mercenaries to operate within the foreign jerseys.

Gentlemen of Verona (I)

Italian soccer bosses are still doing their level best to kick racism out of their game.

After Chievo Verona supporters heaped racist abuse upon Inter striker Mario Balotelli, coach Domenico Di Carlo reckoned it was the player's fault.

"Balotelli should change his attitude. It is normal for fans to needle an opponent."

Well, that's all right then.

Gentlemen of Verona (II)

You might think the mayor of Verona would hurry to clear his town's reputation - but that would be misunderstanding Flavio Tosi.

"Balotelli is an immature and arrogant child," says Tosi.

"He will never be a champion. Champions show humility, but Balotelli has no class."

Product replacement

Big corporates are pretty keen on viral marketing (when a product's public image gets a life of its own). But the people at Gatorade swooped when bottles of their syrupy liquid were marked with bootlegged labels (above) featuring a picture of golf's great shagger, Tiger Woods, and the word "unfaithful". The fun-loving folk at the FBI have charged Jason Eric Kay, 38, with misbranding and altering food labels. For his part, Kay says he's an artist and was inspired by the pop art works of Andy Warhol.

Telly treat

Thankyou HRV! Long has the sporting public of our nation demanded a series of advertisements combining the televisual talents of Sir Richard Hadlee and Marc Ellis. If New Zealand television of the past 20 years has had a classier moment than our Cricketing Knight making a gag about the Ellis rectum, then we can't think of it.

Good week for...
Player power!

Pakistan vice-captain and co-selector Kamran Akmal refused to drop himself from the lineup for the final test against Australia after his eyebrow-raising shocker in Sydney. It'd never happen here, would it, Dan? ... Er, Dan? ...

Bad week for...
Shane Geraghty

England's first-choice No 12 back in November's end-of-year tests finds himself playing at left-right-out as another Maori league player becomes England's next Great Brown Hope. Shane bro, that's tu meke!

The number
10 million

Points scored in the NBA. Detroit's Ben Gordon passed the mark with a jump shot against the Philadelphia 76ers at the weekend.