'In the bonds of love' does not seem appropriate as the All Blacks go into battle. Photo / Mark Mitchell

'In the bonds of love' does not seem appropriate as the All Blacks go into battle. Photo / Mark Mitchell

What's all this razzing the All Blacks for not singing the National Dirge like angelic choir boys? It's like quizzing a gaggle of beauty contestants about global warming, then mocking their dumb replies.

The beauties are not there for their brains, just as the men in black aren't hired on their ability to hold a top C.

Some rugby commentators are now trying to link the players' singing problems with their recent on-field performance. Has it not occurred to them that piling the pressure on tone deaf players to sing sweetly at the beginning of a game is hardly going to settle the nerves for the main event?

Why don't they just accept that some people can't sing? Or don't want to?

I sympathise with the ABs. A few nights ago I forked out a three-figure sum to enjoy the singing of Welsh opera sensation Bryn Terfel, and what did he try and make me do? Sing along with him, that's what.

Worse, because our first reluctant effort was delivered with about as much gusto as the All Blacks singing God Defend, he insisted we stand up and try harder. Shuffle shuffle, mumble mumble.

Luckily there must have been plenty of Welsh and Scottish refugees in the town hall audience, otherwise we might still be there, warbling away about high and low roads to Loch Lomond, waiting for Mr Terfel's approval.

Yet there was nothing on my ticket requiring me to sing for my supper - that was supposed to be the job of the big guy on the stage. Same for the All Blacks. They aren't selected for their dulcet tones or their gregarious natures.

They're there to pummel the other lot into submission and hopefully, score more points. If, by chance, they can also belt out Ten Guitars on the bus and the national anthem, then good for them. But it's not why they get paid $7500 a week to wear the black jersey.

Captain Mils Muliaina attributed their less than stellar singing abilities to New Zealanders being "conservative people". I prefer the word "reserved".

Or knowing one's abilities.

A Sunday paper unearthed a vocal coach from deepest Cambridge - how do they find these people? - to babble inanely about "absolutely pitiful" singing showing "no evidence of any pride at being New Zealanders".