Gull outrage at Lonely Bay
Denise writes: "Lying on the beach at Lonely Bay on the Coromandel this week, we heard a small boy further along the beach screaming. The unsympathetic parents were beset with laughter. Next thing a low-flying seagull passed us carrying a chocolate biscuit, and we realised the cause of the distress. The naughty seagull landed behind us and under attack from other seagulls, the biscuit was dropped. The biscuit, now covered in sand, was returned to the child who looked horrified and started screaming all over again."
Check before proceeding
The parent test (how to know if you're ready to be a mum or dad)
Mess test: Smear peanut butter on the couch and curtains. Place a fish [finger] behind the sideboard and leave it there for 6 months.
Toy test: Obtain giant box of Lego, spread the blocks all over the floor, put on a blindfold and try walking to another room. If at night, do not scream or curse or this could wake the child.
Supermarket test: Borrow two small animals (goats are best) and take them to the supermarket. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they damage or eat.
Feeding test: Obtain large plastic jug and half fill it with water. Suspend it from the ceiling with a stout rope. Start the jug swinging. Try and insert spoonfuls of cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
The sleeping test: Obtain small cloth bag and fill it with 6-7kg of sand. Soak thoroughly with water. At 8pm waltz with the bag until 9pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10pm. Get up and sing every song you know to the bag. Make up a dozen more and sing them to your bag until 4am. Set your alarm for 5am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful. (Source: Bits and Pieces)
Christmas goodwill misplaced
A reader writes: "I live in Mt Eden and in December we received a Christmas present in the mailbox for Caleb Price. No return address. Yesterday I received a Christmas card, I think for C. Price's parents ... Again no return address! I am faced with the guilt of hoarding someone's mail and presents. My family has lived here for 17 years and nobody called Price has lived here, ever." Contact Sideswipe for contact details.
Picture this #1: Wolf eyes a flock of sheep, then...
Picture this #2: In this photo series "Head Over Heels," people perform handstands while wearing their clothes inverted. Can't picture it? Go here. (by French photographer Patrice Letarnec)
Dry: "How to Choose A Bottle of Wine", a satirical guide that uses a flowchart to help determine the right bottle of wine for the right occasion...
Video: How to reduce bulky cheeks with face yoga (real, not a parody folks)
Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at email@example.com