"This is how to park in Taupaki ," writes Kay. "Opposite a school and kindy on a blind bend. They could have parked about 30m up the road and not blocked part of the road."
Money dream tanks for big drip
John Reynolds writes: "My brother in the UK dragged a great big metal box along to the Antiques Roadshow. The expert asked where he had got it and my brother told him from his attic ... "It was there when we moved in. The previous owners left it there about 30 years ago," he explained. The expert then asked if my brother had any insurance. My brother said - all excited - "Why, do you think I'll need some?" And the expert replied, "you will now, it's your water tank".
Specs for six-million-dollar man
A reader writes: "I've finally admitted to myself I need glasses. This week I applied for car finance for a car - nothing huge, just $6500 for a tidy runabout. I dutifully filled out the online form - listing what I owed and what I owned, as you do, and got a call back from the account manager who wanted to clarify a couple of things in my application.
"Now you've specified $6 million worth of assets," she said. "Um, what are they exactly?" I laughed and explained that was the value of my house, and it was supposed to be $600K. She was very polite, but did say she thought it odd the spend on the new car was so modest."
Dividing (and multiplying) the matrimonial property
Hundreds of happy couples have swamped divorce officials in China after a new housing policy meant they could double the size of their homes by splitting up. Under the new build scheme in Guiyang, Guizhou province, southern China, single people are entitled to one building plot each while married couples get just one. Now officials say more than five hundred couples have filed for quickie divorces so they can get two plots instead of one. "Me and my [wife] are very happy. But all of our neighbours, all of our friends and all of our family have divorced so what can we do?" said newly single Guo Chaoqing, 65. "If my wife, I, our son and his daughter all get divorced we'll get four plots. We can't get left behind," he said.
Funny Business (final instalment)
1. In Helensville there is a firewood seller who trades as iWood4U.
2. There's a second-hand shop in Paeroa called Junk'N Disorderly. Nice.
3. There was a hairdressers near me in England called "blonde-dye-bleach"
4. A butchershop in South London, with a keen ear for Lionel Ritchie, is called "Halal, is it meat you're looking for?".
5. In the mid 1960s, I played in a charity rugby match for Radio 1ZH Hamilton as it was then called. Our front row was Terry Currie, Ian Burnie, & Ian Stove. We reckoned we had the hottest front row in the country.
6. Just in case it hasn't been done to death yet, the trucks from Winstone Aggregates used to have "New Zealand's Biggest Rock Group" written on the back.
Don't be alarmed if more people than usual are wearing red on Friday. Facebook tells me thanks to our PM it's Gay Red Shirt Day! Fabulous!
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