Literal toilet humour
Eric writes: "A friend borrowed a mate's 30ft keeler and took his teenage son out on a nice winter's day. He said to his son once they had anchored off an East Coast beach that he was going to row ashore. The son said he had to go to the toilet so Dad rowed off toward shore. A few minutes later my friend heard a loud bang followed by a blood-curdling scream. Looking back he saw his son out on deck screaming for him to come back, which he did. There his son stood crying his eyes out covered from head to foot in the proverbial! The pump out toilet is a big flexible corrugated looped pipe to stop sea water flowing back into the toilet. When one is finished, you open up a valve and fill the toilet bowl with sea water then close that valve and open up the other valve so you can pump out everything into the sea. Unfortunately the teen forgot this vital procedure and started pumping out with youthful enthusiasm causing a tremendous explosion. That lad was covered from head to toe. Dad washed him down thoroughly. That was the easy part - you can imagine what the toilet compartment looked like!"
John Key, comedian
One-liners from Prime Minister John Key at the opening of jeweller Sir Michael Hill's sculpture park near Queenstown. On Kim Dotcom: "That bloke might have megaupload.com but I've got megaballsup.com. Anyway, it's great to be here at The Hills. Frankly, after the week I've had, it's great to be anywhere other than Wellington." On the Labour Party: "We're here to do the opening of the sculpture The Wolves are Coming. It sounds like the Labour Party." On Sir Michael: "I didn't give [you] a knighthood to be voting Labour, Michael." On local MP Bill English: "He is the shareholding minister of Air New Zealand, which is the airline that failed to get me here." The PM's plane had been diverted to Dunedin. (Source: Mountain Scene)
Police Tweet: "Following a burglary, offenders re-contacted the victim and said 'meet us at X, bring $'s and maybe you can get ur stuff back'. When the offenders fronted to collect their bribe, police swooped in. The victim goes 'you just got punked bro'." (Via@NZPGenDuties)
Picture this #1: I didn't know Hollywood had an Opera House...
Picture this #2: I'm in the market for a new car...wonder if I can get my hand on one of these...Bit boxy maybe?
Web self-esteem: You work hard and get no recognition? Your family are always criticizing you? Need a compliment? Here's Emergency Compliment.com to help pep you up.
Video: Impressive Halloween prank. Can you get your head around how he did it?