Our national carrier has extended its generosity to new levels, with the announcement of its new Regional Gotta Go fares.
After "listening to customer feedback" about beefed up airfare prices when there's a last-minute need to travel, the new Regional Gotta Go fare has been created to give customers another choice when they need to jump on a plane at short notice.
You know the sort of thing, when a family member becomes seriously ill, and one has to dash across the country to be with them. The fare will be a flat rate of $169 for a single sector, or $249 for a connecting journey, eg Rotorua to Timaru connecting via Wellington.
What a marvellous gesture from Air New Zealand to soften the blow in a time of crisis. But there's a cruel twist. You need to front up and purchase your ticket between 90 and 60 minutes prior to the flight departure. Goodness, that wouldn't allow enough time to throw your clothes into suitcase, dash out to the airport and park the car.
The timing is way too tight and would only add to stress in a crisis situation. The way I see it is that you have two choices.
Either to book straight away and be sure to get a seat (at full fare) or hold out until 90 minutes for the Gotta Go deal and risk not going at all. To me, Gotta Go, means exactly that, you've got to go, no matter what.
The seemingly generous offer from Air NZ is actually a contradiction and should have instead been promoted as a Take a Punt fare, where indeed you can save big dollars -- if you're prepared to be disappointed at the last moment.
The gesture on our national carrier for those faced with an emergency is to be commended but, in reality, for many it could just add to the stress.
---
Shock announcement. Seagull numbers in Godzone are declining so rapidly the birds now appear on threatened species lists, alongside the kiwi and the kakapo.
"Surely not," you may say. But if the latest Department of Conservation report on bird numbers is anything to go by, the decline of the black-billed gull is classified as "nationally critical", the most serious category, usually reserved for our rarest birds.
Numbers are predicted to drop by more than 70 per cent over the next 30 years. Not that any of us have noticed, from an estimated 200,000 of the birds in 1977, there are now thought to be less than half that number.
Even the common red-billed gull, that you see congregating in huge numbers at Kiwi beaches and Rotorua's Sulphur Bay, is "nationally vulnerable", with the current population thought to be fewer than 100,000.
DoC points the blame at predators such as wild cats, stoats, ferrets and maybe even global warming, at a pinch. Seagulls can live up to 30 years like "that one over there ... I'm sure that's the same bird I saw perched on that same post when I was a kid". You either love'em or hate'em. A handsome and elegant bird but showing appalling manners, ripping open discarded KFC boxes and screeching at any competitor who tries to muscle in on a spare bone that may have been flicked out. "Rats with wings," some will say, as they circle inhabited areas, always ready to go into dive bomb mode.
When trying to eat fish and chips uninterrupted in the park and then discovering a plastered windscreen after returning to your car, it's hard to believe seagull numbers are in decline.
Seagulls of any beak colour variety are, by their nature, scavengers and would be pretty good at adapting, I would say. I can't see them dying out any time soon.
---
The power fed into the And Another Thing headquarters is now being provided by Mercury Energy, which has pledged to keep prices lower than its competitors -- for now at least. On Friday, the man called to remove our old electricity meter and install a FREE one. Reassuring to know that the company's little interface cum cash register between us and the national grid is supplied at no charge. Hmm.
• Brian Holden has lived in Rotorua for most of his life and has recently celebrated 10 years' writing And Another Thing.