Dogs: Their Secret Lives (Thursdays, 7.30pm, Prime) was clearly for dog-crazy people. Crazy dog people. Dogs. So after Willow settled next to me on the couch and we argued about switching over from Animal Planet, I put it on. Then I explained in a dopey voice why I couldn't give her the cracker I was eating. She left the room.
Thankfully, host and RSPCA adviser Mark Evans is on the side of the canine-obsessed. He didn't judge when an older couple told him they'd rearranged their entire lives so their cocker spaniel was never alone.
"What do you say to people who tell you to 'get a grip'?" he said, with kind eyes.
The former vet was earnest in his mission to make sure our hounds are indeed happy when we head off for work. So he randomly selected 40 dog homes in Bristol and installed hidden cameras to capture pets going about their lonesome day. Would they bake Jellymeat brownies and read Thomas Hardy? Poo on the floor (like Bruno, the rottweiler cross) or, riskily in Archie's case, wee on the fan? (While it was on.)
You didn't need a scientist to see that poor old Oscar the mini schnauzer was unhappy - he howled like Bieber the minute his owners went outside. Likewise german shepherd Max, whose gut-wrenching vocals and door-scratching clearly signalled distress.
Helpfully, for science, yet unnecessarily for viewers, there were experts on hand to diagnose them with separation anxiety.
Evans and dog behaviourist Dr Emily Blackwell also offered solutions. Bruno was taught to relax on a special mat, as his owner drew further and further away. Later she withdrew altogether. He wasn't coping as a city dog, she told Evans. Figuring she was about to up sticks for the country, it was maddening when she announced she'd be giving him up. I'd never do that to you, I said righteously to Willow, who by now had returned to prop her head on my lap. I was eating another cracker.
But if you think you can watch a show about dogs without feeling guilty, think again. Dr Rachel Casey took saliva samples from all 40 test subjects, to compare their cortisol levels before and after their owners left the house. Quite how they managed this without skewing the results they didn't say. The results, though, were shocking: 34 of the 40 were considered problematically stressed, even the seemingly chilled ones.
From this, Evans deduced that 85 per cent of Britain's dog population was suffering. So much for feel-good viewing. One woman invented a solution: a device that allowed her dog to call her cellphone while she was out - she could then have a little chat, give out commands and activate a treat dispenser. Which sounds like a good idea for lazy husbands.
There was more emotional viewing earlier in the week, right after Dog Squad (Tuesday, 7.30pm, TV One). Mark Vette stars in Purina Pound Pups to Dog Stars, the local series that became famous last year for teaching rescue dogs to drive.
You don't need to be a crazy dog person to feel moved by the plight of some of these pups. Last week, trainer Rosie fell so in love with border collie Boy that she adopted him. Tears all round.
This week they featured golden lab Paddy, found locked in a hoarder's home, malnourished and covered in fleas. He was upsettingly submissive and food-aggressive.
Recognising that this probably meant he was also very food-motivated, Vette trained him to work with the head of the kauri dieback programme. Even better, he gets to live with his handler.
TV may have gone to the dogs but when there's an ending as happy as this one, it's pretty irresistible.