Sideswipe

A daily look at life's oddities by Ana Samways

Sideswipe: September 30: Playful vandalism

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A playful vandalising of the campaign billboards of local council candidates Noelene Raffills and Chris Darby.

Put-downs with panache

These outstanding insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to four-letter words:

1. A member of Parliament to Benjamin Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

2. "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

3. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

4. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

5. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ...

if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

6. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

7. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

8. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles M. de Talleyrand.

9. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

10. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

Wedding feast doesn't go to waste

Carol and Willie Fowler of Atlanta planned to host a large wedding for their daughter, Tamara. But Tamara cancelled the wedding with only 40 days to go, and the upmarket restaurant was reserved. So they had the feast anyway - they contacted Hosea Feed the Hungry & Homeless who sent 200 homeless people to the four-course meal at a fancy restaurant with entertainment. Everyone had such a good time that the Fowlers plan to find sponsors and make it an annual event. (Source: Neatorama.com)

Woman farmer has whip hand

Several sadomasochists eagerly responded to a fetish advert posted by a female Austrian farmer seeking clients. But they didn't get the punishment they had hoped for. Instead, they found themselves doing farm labour in fetish gear, while paying for the privilege. Fifteen men responded to the internet ad and three took up the offer. Instead of savouring the sweet pleasure of pain, the men found themselves consigned to farm labour such as chopping wood in the nude and mowing the lawn while wearing black fetish masks on the farm near the town of St Polten. In effect, they were paying for the privilege of doing farm work. After a week, they realised they had been duped and downed tools. A legal complaint was filed. (Source: Spiegel Online)

Picture this: Zala's computer chair looks like it should be in an episode of Dr Who...

Picture this: Celebrity vegetable chart...(the Tom Cruise analogy is great)

Curiosity: There exists such a thing as Black chicken...

Video: Possibly the most hated woman of the Internet right now (always be aware of the arrogance of white trouser-matching-tank-top-wearing)....

Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz.

- NZ Herald

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