Sideswipe

A daily look at life's oddities by Ana Samways

Sideswipe: September 26: Fingers walking to nowhere

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The Yellow Pages tome is redundant for most of us, but more so for the vacant properties and sections in the Christchurch red zone. On Tuesday, Rachel, who lives on the edge of the residential red zone, had her Yellow Pages delivered ... "And so did more than 50 red zone properties, even those with obvious lack of a house," she says.

How to deliver insults that hit the mark

Insulting someone properly is far more complicated than hurling a few obscenities. For an insult to find the soft spot the recipient should have respect for the insulter, it should target the person's intelligence or appearance in some way and sound like a compliment. A deadpan delivery, showing no anger will help. But the most important thing about insulting someone is to know who you're dealing with. Here are a few lesser known choice examples:

1. American comedian Rodney Dangerfield would hush a heckler with: "You, you oughta save your breath. You're gonna need it later to blow up your inflatable date."

2. Author and critic Dorothy Parker was offered a place ahead in the line by Clare Booth Luce, who said: "Age before beauty." Dorothy accepted, while saying, not-at-all under her breath: "Pearls before swine."

3. Jim O'Rourke in the song Memory Lame wrote: "Looking at you / Reminds me of looking at the sun / and how the blind are so damn lucky."

4. A South Park storyline about George Clooney's Oscar speech creating a cloud of smug that threatens to join a smog cloud over San Francisco and destroy the world.

Dial F for fooled

Pranksters have made a series of convincing fake ads claiming that the latest iOS7 software update will make iPhones waterproof. The ads, and a fake Facebook post from Apple CEO Tim Cook, convinced some new iPhone owners the feature was for real and some accidentally destroyed their phones while testing their waterproofness.

Dead set on a spin in the afterworld

They say you can't take it with you, but a Brazilian businessman is going to try. Sao Paulo's Count Chiquinho Scarpa decided to bury his prized Bentley Continental in his backyard, so he can enjoy driving it in the afterlife. He posted his intention on Facebook with a photo of himself holding a shovel next to a big hole in his garden, with the car parked behind him. He told local media he got the idea after watching a documentary about the pharaohs of Egypt who buried their entire fortune to have a comfortable life on the other side.

Signs send drivers text safety message

New York State is introducing texting zones to persuade drivers to resist checking their phone whenever it beeps. Nearly 300 signs on roads throughout the state with messages like "It can wait, text stop 5 miles", will be positioned along the state's busiest roads, pointing drivers to 91 texting zone locations. (Source: Digital Trends)

- NZ Herald

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