I never believed the world would suddenly end, but I liked the idea that it was possible.If you're reading this then we can safely presume the world hasn't ended. Or maybe it has but the Herald is still running strong and being printed from a giant spaceship heading to Mars.
Either way we're still alive. Congratulations! Not a big shock really ... I mean the world ending, that would have been a shock. I spent most of the year joking about it. I wrote my memoirs based on the concept and then turned the book into a stage show. Yes sir, 2012 has all been about The End and how hilarious it is that some people fall for it.
I fell for it, by the way, not in an "I believe the world will end and we'll all perish" kind of way, but in the concept as a whole. I never believed the world would suddenly end, but I liked the idea that it was possible. I liked the idea that at the end of the day (or world), we as humans have no real control over our destiny or our existence. We're all just creatures living on a giant rock. If it ends, it ends; smile, because at least we were here!
I fell for the whole Mayan thing. I loved it. An ancient culture lost in the jungles of South America with pyramids, temples, alien symbols and mathematical calendar dates. So Indiana Jones, so wonderful.
Life is full of mystery and intrigue. Every day archaeologists dig up clues from the past that shape our paths for the future. Science and technology are the keys to both our longevity and our demise. Our entire existence on this planet is a double-edged sword.
I know what you're thinking, "Surely every sword is double edged. That's what makes it a sword. Otherwise it would be a knife."
But wait, don't some knives have double edges? No, hang on, I'm thinking of daggers. Jeez, there are so many names for things aren't there? Swords, knives, daggers, bayonets ... who cares, they're all dangerous and should be kept out of reach. I think that's the point.
Tomorrow it's Christmas. I know it's cheesy but it's my favourite day of the year. If you're at home tonight check out the new animated TV show called Missing Christmas (6.30pm on TV2).
It's made by the amazing lads from Mukpuddy and I was lucky enough to voice the Mayor.
Tomorrow morning, I'll be up early with my cheeky monkeys as they open all their presents. It's extra special this year because my youngest boy, Theo, turned 3 on December 21.
Yes, that's right, the final day of the world ... Not. It's just really awesome that he's alive and well along with the rest of us because he's been looking forward to Christmas Day since ... well, his birthday.
What do I want for Christmas, I hear you ask? Well, some much-needed rest would be nice. Having to hand in these columns every week is killing me.