Suddenly, February. In a simpler time, the big issue might be kids going back to school, whether school holidays should be scheduled by the Met Service, whether kids should be assigned homework or community service, and whether touchscreen devices should have an age-minimum like alcohol.
In a simpler time, the big issue might be whether La La Land deserves the most Oscar nominations ever. Is it even a good movie? Why are its two nominations for Best Song, not even the movie's two catchiest songs? Are these tactical song nominations, deliberately going for sad and slow, knowing they'd be up against a defiant, Let It Go type Disney belter from Moana?
In a simpler time, these are the things we could fixate on, content in the belief that deep down, society was being run in good faith, by qualified adults who at least had to appear to seek the best for people, and who weren't just running a heist to plunder the public purses of the most advanced economies.
We could nerd out on cricket; get excited about Roger Federer (finally) or the Year of the Rooster. And it would be harmless. Can you believe how naive we were a year ago, when our biggest concern was the design of the NZ flag? That's not even re-arranging deck chairs - that's choosing the logo for the deck chairs.
But right now, we're in crazy times. When the movie gets made about this period in history, it will be called Putin's Eleven.
Together, across various continents, this axis of white supremacy has put on fake uniforms, breached all the security, got inside all the buildings where decisions are made, and they're about to re-jig all the money pipes so public funds spurt so hard into their own pockets, they're gonna need new pockets, believe me.
Every day, several times a day in fact, there's a new dose of crazy. We're connected to a hypodermic drip of crazy, and a sadistic nurse keeps cranking it up. I haven't quite read the label on the drip, but at a guess, the generic name is Dystopia.
After Trump said he'd bring back torture, because it works so well (if you can correctly hear the names being named, through the screaming); just for a bit of sanity, I switched off social media for a day. When I got back, Trump had banned Muslim refugees. For that matter, Muslim Americans with green cards.
Children were being handcuffed in American airports, then deported back to war zones. Court orders in favour of those being banned, were ignored by border patrol officers, barely stifling the tumescence on their saluting arm, relishing their chance to follow orders.
Normally you exaggerate to make a point, but now everyone seems to be exaggerating, when all they're doing is literally describing the insanity before them. Notice how often you see the word "literally" these days. Literal five year olds, literally in handcuffs.
It hasn't been two weeks. We all have outrage vertigo. And the end result will be that we're bludgeoned into submission: such is life. This is how it is for the little people. This is our lot.
The outrages don't let up, like combinations to the head. We haven't unpacked one container of obvious evil before the next one rains down. We're below a crane, holding them by the dozen. And in the harbour, there's container ships full of them. I'm still reeling from the fact that Trump even got nominated.
Without financial disclosure. Is there a more morally bankrupt group than the Republican Party? They're waterboys for dictatorship. Are they all being paid off by Putin? How much did each of them cost?
And what happens next? Supposing the sanctions against Putin are lifted and supposing Putin rewards his puppets - what happens if all those financial transactions find the light of day, and Trump goes to Guantanamo?
Does his Supreme Court justice get to keep his job? Does Ivanka just go back to a quiet life selling pirated thousand dollar shoes? Do Eric and Donald Jr go back to hunting endangered species?
The protests are some source of encouragement. Somehow Trump won via Twitter, but it's hard to imagine he will be defeated by hashtags. It will take concerted leaking of information, at least from inside the US tax department.
And where do we fit in all this? At the very least, it's our duty to speak up. On the bright side, we're too far from Russia to be invaded by Putin.
@RaybonKan / www.raybonkan.com