As job ads go, it's certainly got sass.
Gary Freshwater doesn't want employees who oversleep, often need time off to go to court, can't prise their cell phones from their palms, and consider lunchtime the end of the work day.
Mr Freshwater has already employed all of those people. He doesn't want that anymore.
So, there was no pussyfooting around when the long-time home alterations business owner advertised in the New Zealand Herald this week for a labourer/hammerhand.
"Please don't apply if you oversleep, have court often, have to get ride to work later than our workday begins, have to hold on to cell phone whole day, or will become expert at your job with no need to learn or take advice after the first day," it said.
Unproductive gabbing was also on the naughty no-no list, but on the upside, if you don't do all these things there will be a reward.
You'll get paid. And if you stay close to the chippies, you might even learn new skills in an industry with potential.
"Should not expect to receive gold stars for being on time," the ad closed with.
The 60-year-old told the Herald today he had tongue firmly in cheek when he wrote the ad, but he had previously employed people with the above traits.
"Sometimes it gets a little frustrating. I had one guy who didn't come back for a week after Easter once. I asked him what happened and he said 'I've been in prison'.
"I don't want to be disrespectful but you are giving someone a job ... ok, it's not the highest paying job in the world, but you've got to start somewhere and in the building industry you can go a long way."
He had received almost as many complimentary messages as applicants for the job, Mr Freshwater said.
Nine people had put their hand up for the role, and interviews were continuing, although one applicant made an unthinkable first impression by not showing up for the interview.
Next week, he'll start thinking about who might best fit the role, and look forward to a future free of excuses.
"I'm sure I haven't heard all the excuses, but I've heard a lot of them. And there's only so much you can put up with."