KEY POINTS:
Amidst a nation tearing itself apart in a paroxysm of stadium-proposal psychosis, the week's most outlandish claim came, somewhat unsurprisingly, from Mayor Dick Hubbard, a charming man with a propensity for allowing his brain, and his mouth, to follow his business mantra of "Ready, fire, aim".
The mayor mused that Auckland's ratepayers won't mind the projects' budget blowing out as they won't have to pick up the tab. That, said the mayor, will be paid "by the Government, or through airport and hotel bed taxes".
Now, I am not as politically astute as Mayor Hubbard, but I do suspect that he may have missed a rather crucial point: Auckland's ratepayers also happen to be taxpayers, just as they use the airport, and stay in hotels.
Still, while an additional airport tax is simply a mandatory fine for the hapless traveller, the proposed bed tax may have a pleasantly unforeseen outcome, as those staying in hotels seek to avoid the surcharge by adopting a bed-pooling system. This will undoubtedly outrage the moral conservatives, and provide yet another delightful distraction.
These taxes are reminiscent of other great tax rorts, such as the UK's 17th Century Window Tax. This staggeringly brilliant tax was devised as people at the time had a fundamental opposition to the notion of income tax. They believed disclosure of their income to the government was an unacceptable intrusion into their privacy. Those were the days.
So, in need of cash, King William III levied a tax on house's windows; the more windows you had, the wealthier you were, and the more you paid. Let's hope the Dr Cullen doesn't hear of this. One consequence of this tax was that many people bricked up their windows. This could well catch on here, especially for those whose views are to be obscured by the stadium.
Indeed, people who wish to have their views on the stadium carefully considered by the powers that be could themselves consider erecting their own brick wall. Repeatedly running into it would certainly cause them less harm than the stress of believing in the right of the public to be fully and fairly consulted.
We are not alone in our stadium quandaries. London, home of the 2012 Olympics, recently had an Ecuadorian shaman conduct a ceremony on their stadium's site to cleanse it of "bad energy". This may have been an overly optimistic ritual as the site may require slightly more than a witch doctor to rid it of the unexploded WWII ordinance, and buried drums said to contain "mildly" radioactive material. At least they haven't got a bothersome port in the way.
We should though, be thankful that the stadium's decision-making process is being conducted within a condensed time-frame. That way we only have to abjure the raucous twaddle that masquerades as debate for a minimal period. Then we can all sit back, marvel at the outcome, and try to figure out how to pay for it.