Nickie Muir: Searching but not finding candidates

By Nickie Muir

1 comment
Nickie Muir
Nickie Muir

It's an election year. So let's go crazy. Let's get all spicy and tell Wellington what we want. What we really, really want. For starters, I'd really like the Labour Party campaign to stop looking like it's been organised by the National Party. For years now, it seems to an outsider that the local Labour Party is not only singing from different song sheets but communicate in entirely foreign languages not understood by conflicting factions.

This has meant that if I put a blue tie on my obedient yet rather silly huntaway - he could easily be a National Party contender - hey, he even said, "Yes. Come on in" to the thieves who nicked our Chrissy presents a few years back. He would be more than happy to say yes to the National Party machine and take the Whangarei seat yet again. Too easy. For those interested in a rational debate about what might sustain Northland economically, longer than a rise in the gold index lasts, it's been slim pickings for a political candidate who will represent that. Has anyone called Search and Rescue for the local Green Party candidate?

Big Kim taking the Whangarei seat would be good. Mr Dotcom might help whip some life into the local economy by creating business out of the new ultra broadband infrastructure. Except his business is about sucking the life-blood out of creative industries. It takes a long time for a publishing house or a film company to make any money out of the enormous outlay they invest or often risk. Big Kim had people downloading probably the only thing that will make money in NZ publishing this year that is not a cookbook ... for free. Eleanor Catton's The Luminaries will fund all the other worthy publishing projects from Victoria Press that are part of our national academic equity which costs a whole heap to produce but that no one is willing to pay for.

He may be a technological innovator. When I was young it was called: "a fence". Now I'll never get invited to one of Mr Com's pool parties with cool media celebrities.

Oh well. At least we'd know what we'd be getting if he were our new MP. We'd get fireworks. Lots of them. And personal favours for whoever was willing to pay for his campaign. He thought he'd understood the relationship with Mr Banks perfectly and has been very public about it. Mr Com was "disappointed" (this sounds better in a Colonel Klink accent) when Mr Banks didn't show up when he was in jail.

Mr Banks' mistake, it seems, was not to understand fully Mr Com's terms of engagement and that they extended beyond the borders of political expediency. In a democracy you can't always get exactly what you think you've paid for. Bummer.

I must admit, however, what I still really want is: Colin Craig. Colin, I know you and John will probably make the perfect political couple but come to the 'Rei. I'd gladly be your "bare-bottomed native" (not in a gay way - obviously) and refrain from "threatening gestures". We're waiting big boy. Just don't smack us. We've had quite enough of that already.

- NORTHERN ADVOCATE

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