Chris Rattue: If I may, if I might New Year wishes to higher sporting powers
Justin Marshall has a lot of potential as a rugby commentator but can't stop talking. Photo / Brett Phibbs
Random sports things that 2013 will hopefully bring... from the realistic to the mainly hopelessly impossible.
Justin Marshall talks less
He has a lot of potential as a rugby commentator but can't stop talking. On and on he goes about anything and everything - by the end you feel exhausted. Less is more, Justin.
Pre-game haka gets its throat cut
Time to give the haka the flick. All that Kiwi self-importance, the war-like posturing, is embarrassing. It sends a shiver up the spine, but not a good one.
Ian Jones gets a lift
Is it just me (part one)... Jones doesn't get used enough. The former All Black lock is the best TV rugby analyst we've got - he actually appears to do a lot of effective and detailed homework. But somehow he gets drowned out on the big occasions.
Nisbo calls it quits
Is it just me (part two)... enough is enough. Grant Nisbett's tired, cliche-ridden rugby commentaries are past the use-by date and his eyesight appears to be letting him down. It's been a good, long innings, old son.
Rugby refs stop sharing jokey moments with the players
The ref is thinking "great, ticked the box marked empathy with players", while the players are thinking "ouch, hope that guy doesn't start inviting me to barbecues". Another pet hate - refs who say "give me this, give me that", as if it is all about them.
The plug is pulled on stadium sounds
Match music - yuck, unless it's an English football crowd is doing the singing.
America's Cup sinks without trace
This used to be fun, with a buccaneering spirit. Now it is a corporate bore that takes place in the middle of nowhere, propped up by subsidised media coverage.
On-field ads get scraped off
Our lives are saturated enough with adverts and even the ball has been commandeered as commercial real estate in some sports. Time has not healed this wound - ground adverts are still annoying and distracting.
NRL referees stop calling players by their first name
The league whistlers know everyone, from Billy Slater down to an obscure bench guy who was digging ditches a week ago. No wonder they don't have time to learn all the rules. The players have to cop this buddy business but you know they'd run a mile if a ref came near them in a nightclub.
The NRL rules rule
There has been ridiculous confusion over obstruction calls in particular. The new hierarchy must sort this out, so that Captain Rugby League Phil Gould and the referees are on the same page, unlikely as this may be.
The ICC grows some balls
The world cricket administration, wherever it might be, has been reduced to a pathetic outfit that puts out rankings. What about issues like standardised decision-making technology - or will Sachin Tendulkar keep running that show?
CricInfo continues to ride tall
The best sports site, from the amazing statistics department through to the level-headed match reports. A gem - hopefully the financial sums add up.
Ian Healy takes a hike
The marvellous history of cricket commentary took a turn for the worse with the former Aussie wicketkeeper's palsy-walsy nonsense. When he heads out the door, Healy can take the smarmy Mark Nicholas with him. Come to think of it, Nicholas is the most annoying of the lot. He takes the cultured Englishman act so far that it curdles the commentary.
Steve Nicol continues to ride tall
The old Liverpool favourite has become the star of ESPN's terrific soccer show Press Pass. Nicol has grown on me to the point I can't do without his cut-to-the-chase analysis, sometimes delivered with a nice touch of cheek. The way he looks at any issue often makes the most sense. Please ESPN, do not lose this man.
The haka is such a part of the marketing pitch for the All Blacks that you will never get rid of it . I think it should only be used on tour - when we are on enemy terriiory and are there to defeat them .
His objective and impartial comments are based on the rules of the game and what has actually happened - not the usual hackneyed phrases wheeled-out to absolve any infractions or thuggery by the All Blacks.
Keep it up, Justin!