You might be waiting a while with this particular automatic tap.
Dog's paw on the button
Bruce Gardner of Utah was at work when he received a call on his mobile. No one spoke, but there was banging and scratching on the line. The caller ID indicated that the call came from his own house, so he called the police. At the house, officers found nothing amiss, so left. Gardner later called back with an explanation. "Apparently his dog had his cordless home phone and in the midst of chewing on it, it happened to hit redial,"said Orem Police. He'd found the handset lying face down in the garden with tooth marks.
Running on alcohol
Tweet of the day: "My favourite part of attending a marathon is watching the reaction of runners as they grab my plastic cup of vodka." (@woraholicadam)
Mothers join world rulers
A reader writes: "My son, Michael, 5, and his friend Ryan, 6, were in the car having an in-depth discussion on 'who rules what' in the world: Ryan: I'm pretty sure God is the ruler of everyone.
Michael: Who's God?
Ryan: He's the guy who is the boss of everyone, and all countries in the world and everything.
Michael: I thought that was Mummy?
Ryan: Hmmmm, dunno, could be.
(Ha, ha! Yes my boy. It's Mummy. God's definitely up there, but in the end - it comes down to Mummy!)"
How to get out of work
Excuses, Excuses, readers write:
1. During my first UK teaching practice in the winter of 1964, the deputy principal read a note from a parent explaining the absence of a child. "Johnny was not at school last week due to snow fever which he always gets when it snows."
2. I personally heard: "I'm sorry I was late for work, the bus I was on ran over a Ferrari." I let them off (and it turned out it was true!)
3. I worked with a woman a few years back who called in sick because she "ate too much".
4. Had an employee ring up a couple of years ago who took the day off claiming he was having an autopsy. Surprisingly he came into work the next day.
5. The best excuse was that about a bloke who said he set his alarm and proceeded to watch some late night TV. He had let his budgie out of its cage and it was flying around the lounge. He went to bed and forgot about the budgie. He claimed that during the night the bird had a heart attack and must have fallen on top of his alarm clock and switched it off!
Every weekday we are going to add a little bit more Sideswipe, just for online readers. The best video clips and links - the smart, funny and curious finds. And best of all we have now opened up Sideswipe for comments. So go for it. But remember your manners.
My new favourite blog: Street photographer Sim Ahmed is posting some great candid shots of Auckland at Aucklandia.com. And he has created a guerrilla gallery of sorts, by leaving framed prints of his photos at the locations they were snapped, free for the taking by the first person who finds them. Nice.
Picture this: A gallery of home offices in need of a tidy...
Video: Herding cows with a loud speaker...Will it work?
Viral: Some brave good-humoured guy named Richard wrote to Bodyform (maker of feminine hygiene products) via Facebook to complain that its ads were not consistent with the realities of menstruation...
He wrote: "...as a man I must ask why you have lied to us for all these years. As a child I watched your advertisements with interest as to how at this wonderful time of the month that the female gets to enjoy so many things. I felt a little jealous. I mean bike riding , rollercoasters, dancing, parachuting, why couldn't I get to enjoy this time of joy and 'blue water' and wings? Damn my penis!! Then I got a girlfriend, was so happy and couldn't wait for this joyous adventurous time of the month to happen ....but you lied! There was no joy, no extreme sports, no blue water spilling over wings and no rocking soundtrack oh no... as my lady changed from the loving , gentle, normal skin coloured lady, to the little girl from the exorcist with added venom and extra 360 degree head spin. Thanks for setting me up for a fall bodyform, you crafty bugger ..."
And Bodyform responded with this excellent video...