Women want hairless men with ruddy faces

11:30 AM Wednesday Oct 17, 2012

If you're unsure what you should find attractive in a man or need to know what other ladies swoon over for whatever reason, you're in luck. Researchers in universities all over the globe are hard at work pinpointing in very specific terms what will get a woman going. Why? I don't know. Possibly so they can one day bottle Eau de Game™ to sell to lonely men without any, and then huge amounts of money. Or maybe because sticking strictly to other types of research could strip their lives of all joy and make them lose the will to live. Regardless, the studies are rolling in, and you get the rewards. Here's the latest on What Women Want:

Smooth chests

We prefer them, apparently. Researchers asked almost 400 Turkish and Slovakian women to rate the attractiveness of men before and after shaving their chest, and just 20 percent of all the women preferred the men pre-shaven. The participants had no idea why they liked the hairless versions better, and neither did the researchers.

"According to evolutionary view, hairless men should be preferred, particularly in areas (or cultures) with high parasite threat," study leader Professor Pavol Prokop told Live Science. "We compared only two countries that differ in parasite threat, but we found no differences in women's preferences."

Does the idea of parasites cruising men's strands also makes you feel a bit sick in your mouth? At least we now know it's not the reason we love a shiny clavicle. That's not comfort enough for Professor Prokop, though: "Clearly, more cross-cultural comparison is needed to solve this question." Clearly.

Ruddy faces

A beaming red visage makes women swoon the hardest, say researchers at the University of Nottingham. They already knew red colouring in male primates, birds and fish were linked to popularity and mate selection, but it was time to see if human ladies were also drawn to the rubicund. To find out, they let 45 ladies tweak 21 computer images of men's faces to make them more attractive, and the first thing they did was make them all rosy.

"We've shown that increased redness enhances the appearance of dominance, aggression and attractiveness in men's faces viewed by women," said Professor David Perrett. "This is something we share with many other species. For example, the bright yellow beaks and feathers of many birds can be thought of as adverts showing how healthy a male bird is."

So, men: go for a run, do a face-steam, or up the blusher. But make it a healthy pink, not actual red, because experts say that could indicate The Rage, or Drunk. Which is found attractive by precisely zero women, ever.

Purple shirts

It's not such a surprise a man's dress-sense can be a deal-breaker. For instance, there's something about a bare male ankle poking purposely out from shortish trousers that lets off silent screams in my head. But this I wouldn't have expected: a poll of 2000 people by washing detergent maker Ariel found women are most likely to agree to a date if the man asking is wearing a purple shirt. That is, 36 per cent of them would take up his offer. Just for comparison's sake, 13 per cent would accept the offer of a man in a crisp white shirt; 11 per cent would date a man in a blue shirt; and only six percent would say yes to a man in pink.

Just ignoring for a second that this is a commercially-sponsored study - retrieved from The Daily Mail, no less - purple? Really? And only 11 percent of ladies would accept a date from a man in a blue shirt? I doubt that very much, because men and navy 2gether 4eva. Although having said that I did just do some research and purple is the colour of royalty, wealth, imagination and wisdom. Not such a bad round up.

But anyway, all the above is totally irrelevant because every female knows it goes, in order of importance: haircut; shoes; wristwatch; jacket; personality. Ruddy faces, smooth chests and violet threads are just a bonus.

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