Do you travel light or heavy?
I travel micro-light. I'm obsessed with packing as light as humanly possible. I visit websites about packing tips, the ones with strong opinions about whether you should fold T-shirts, roll them up, or chill them with a dash of liquid nitrogen. I subscribe to paid newsletters about packing strategies, the future of packing, superstars and celebrities of packing, which airports have the most gravity, that sort of thing.
Cattle or first class?
I'm a rational, price-sensitive consumer. Do I travel first class? Ha ha. Put it this way, the passengers around me look like they've just been evicted from the Occupy protest. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm an air passenger, or the victim of human trafficking.
I can't travel without...
Hmm. Well I'd go nuts without my laptop and phone, but that's just life. This year I've discovered the joy of cycling, so I'm gonna be travelling everywhere with a folding bike. In future, that would possibly be the one suitcase I'll need to check-in: a folding bike.
What type of suitcase do you carry?
I use the lightest carry-on bag on the market, with the biggest volume. Anything that doesn't fit inside the carry-on, I pretend is clothing, and I drape it around me. If the cabin staff question what's on my shoulders, I accuse them of cultural insensitivity. I figure if someone obese can get on a plane, I should be able to wrap up at least to their bulk.
What's always in your hand luggage?
My laptop. My lucky underpants.
Are you a planner or last-minute packer?
I pack best at the last-minute. It brings out my creative streak. There's always a trade-off, between time spent packing, and time I can spend getting to the airport. If I pack for too long, I have to make it up on the drive. It's like relativity.
What's the best thing you've brought back from a trip?
The world used to be so much more glamorous, I think, before the internet. When I was young, I was super-excited to be coming home from America with a pair of Mickey Mouse ears.
Favourite or most exciting airport to land in?
Wow. Well that's a glorious question. For some reason I thought of Paris, but my ideal way to arrive there would be by train. You know, Wellington's a great airport because of the free wifi. LA is an exciting airport if you have low self-esteem, and you enjoy being barked at by the TSA and treated like an extra from Schindler's List.
Most memorable trip?
I can't remember. Just kidding. The best story I have from a flight is this. I was in the gate, looking at all the other passengers. And there was this crazy beautiful girl. She was just ridiculous. It was an effort not to stare at her. And all I could think was, wow, imagine if I could get seated next to her. And it actually happened. I was seated next to her. Nothing happened, but that was possibly the best hour of my life. I'm actually sighing.
What do you do while on a plane?
I try to get to know every other passenger, their names, hobbies, identifiable smells. If it's a long flight, I always vow to sleep as much as poss, but once I'm on, I feel duty-bound to watch every movie. If I'm next to a stranger, I try not to fall asleep on their shoulder or their lap.
Raybon Kan is a comedian.