Setting examples
Effective discipline is about more than keeping kids under your thumb. Graphic / NZ Herald
Here in New Zealand we are often reminded that there is a section of society that provides a poor role model to its kids.
In the main, this section of society is easy to spot. Poor, unemployed, frequently Maori, these people hit the headlines with depressing regularity when it comes to bad and often downright dangerous parenting.
But on reading the stories about the Mark Hotchins of the world, secreted off in luxury hideouts in places like Hawaii with his family in tow, I wonder what kind of example he is setting for his young children, in terms of facing up to your moral responsibility to others like an adult should. What are his children learning?
Similarly, as I've already pointed out in this blog, the wealthy and high profile businessmen with children at King's College - who think a fantastic example of parenting is ensuring your school aged children are able to drink at high school functions - makes me wonder about the examples being set.
These two are recent examples, but there are plenty more in this country's past. Not to mention the thousands of Kiwis kids who routinely see their parents become available for social welfare payments by making bogus "losses" on their businesses (evasion, that is, not just routine avoidance) or refusing to pay child support.
I recently interviewed Justine Ross, the wife of 42 Below Vodka magnate Geoff Ross, about her role in the success of the brand.
I heard from her something I had never heard before from anyone. And that was, that for Justine, Geoff's behaviour reflected on the entire family unit, and - despite the fact it didn't appear Geoff was exactly the type given to underhand behaviour - she expected him to conduct himself with honesty and integrity.
"I just don't know who these businessmen with low scruples go home to!" she said.
It was almost an old fashioned way of thinking - that your entire family holds you up to behaving ethically and if you don't, you're not only letting yourself down but your family - and most importantly for this example - your kids as well.
Good parenting, after all, is not just about clothing, feeding and educating your children.
Surely, for society to function properly, there has to be an onus on parents to ensure they are producing well rounded, ethical and honest members of society as well.
The easiest way of achieving this has to be, one would think, setting the right example yourself.
Some preach above values but don't live them & wonder why their kids don't follow their preaching! It is work to always remember to lead by example & sometimes I realise I'm not adhering to my preferred standards, having a child's critique is useful, at times I have to say, "well Mummy wasn't very good there & I'm sorry, I'll try harder".
I think it's good to admit to my children I'm not perfect & I keep trying to be better too. A key principle we teach is respect; from respect comes everything else. We respect others views, feelings, belongings & treat all as we'd like to be treated, with kindness & respect.
We all make mistakes, even grown ups but we can say sorry, try to make amends if necessary/appropriate & learn from it. Asking how I would feel if it happened to me is a great question to ask a child I find.
I completely agree, but when you look at how society has been structured through policy and social engineering it's not hard to see why there has been such a rapid decline in morals and principles.
For example - I read somewhere recently that in NZ this year nearly 1/6 babies born will be added to an existing DPB payment or be the basis for the a new DBP being paid.
Arguably, given the number of generational beneficiaries out there, these children won't learn basic budgeting, have the support of a parent that has the skills to raise them into the work force.
What sort of foundation is this?
Why has this come to be?
In short, we (middle NZ) have come to accept the politics of plight, envy and guilt! We are made to think that as taxpayers "closing the wealth gap" is our duty.
No so - the onus should fall to the parent, not the taxpayer. Penalties, both financial, legal and social need to be in place for parents with no clue. Politics created this disaster in waiting - politics needs to fix it!
Child support is not considered a deduction when applying for Income Support - so thanks to some other woman having this baby 16 years ago, despite having little in the way of money myself, I am entitled to nothing. If only that woman had used her brain.