Zoe Scheltema: What happened when I followed advice from my horoscope

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"So what will happen to my circumstances if I check my horoscope every day? Is it accurate? Will everything suddenly start to make sense?" Photo / Getty Images
"So what will happen to my circumstances if I check my horoscope every day? Is it accurate? Will everything suddenly start to make sense?" Photo / Getty Images

You are one of two people - you either believe that horoscopes hold your entire destiny in one paragraph, or that they are a crock of s***.

I fall somewhere in the middle.

I am not a religious checker of my daily horoscope, but definitely read it every now and then just to check when my future husband is supposed to walk in to my life, and on what exact day of the month I'm supposed to be winning the lottery. These are important life achievements to keep an eye on.

So what will happen to my circumstances if I check my horoscope every day? Is it accurate? Will everything suddenly start to make sense? Or are we creating our own destiny all on our own (put that on a mug).


Monday - "Don't wait for a good job to fall into your lap, you need to work for it."

Ok first of all, I could have just gone to Pinterest for this one.

This is crazy though, because as I sit here typing this, I am waiting for a call about a job interview I did last week - coincidence? I think not.


via GIPHY

Tuesday - "The chance to take a trip by air with friends might come your way today."

I've just thought of a very good, very subtle marketing approach, in that companies pay the people who write horoscopes to write things about what their companies offer, so that they buy them.

For example, this particular horoscope was written by an airline company.

Spooky though because I have been meaning to book my flights for a trip away with friends, that I haven't got around to doing yet.


Wednesday - "Increased intuition, imagination, and spiritual insight could inspire you to either undertake a course of study or move ahead with related creative projects."

Nope, this one is not a goer unfortunately. I'm pretty sure I still owe at least 30 grand on my student loan, so no amount of intuition is going to see me throw more cash at my tuition (call the mug shop again).


Thursday - "Today you will find some amazing information that will keep your conversations fascinating for months."

This is one of those ones that makes you think really - I didn't find anything interesting out today, but then are they referring to the fact that I am writing this article and can in fact, use this in conversation? Meta.


via GIPHY

Friday - "Your laziness isn't making it easy to get out of bed, Cancer. In fact, all you may want to do today is absolutely nothing."

Absolutely hit the nail on the head with this one, but I could list a whole bunch of people who could tell you the same thing about me and that list includes, every single person I have ever met.


Saturday - "If you need to do errands, Cancer, don't drag others along with you. Complete your mission solo."

Apparently they will drag me down and decrease my productivity. Yeah because who on earth is having a nice time when the person that they're with is doing stuff like shopping for veggies and buying stamps? On a side note, I do buy a lot of stamps, I wonder if there's anything in that? I will send a letter to the divine beings of horoscope land to find out.


via GIPHY

Sunday - "A sudden but necessary expense could make a big hole in your budget today."

I mean the gas bill was pretty high. I also bought an unnecessary bottle of prosecco - not sure what they're talking about to be quite honest.

Overall, it was slightly inspiring, slightly accurate and slightly funny. There are however some things that anyone can predict, such as the fact that I'm going to feel the need to "treat myself" tomorrow night via buying a big tub of ice cream for dessert.

See, didn't even need the stars for that one.

- NZ Herald

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