They've reached the half way point of Instagram fitness star Kayla Itsines' Bikini Body Guide. Six weeks in, it's been far from easy, but Tina and Tessa are well on their way to fitter, healthier selves, even with the odd ice cream temptation and app battles.
My Sweat app wouldn't let me sweat yesterday.
I had set aside my usual half hour or so to complete one of Kayla's butt-busting workouts, and tried to open up the Sweat app en route to the park. My phone had asked me for some password information, which I likely misspelled a few times (fat, clumsy fingers). Eventually, the only thing the app could show me was a background screen. No workouts, no menu plans. Yay!
Wait, no. I was at the park with no guidance, no one or no app to tell me what to do.
It really emphasized just how pathetically dependent I am on a mobile phone. Surely I could have created a makeshift strength workout: 24 lunges here, 15 squats there, do enough burpees until I splat on the floor, 20 or so step ups...
Actually, making up a workout of Kayla's various moves could be really fun, and bust any boredom with previous circuits. Team Kayla - free idea here: Make a card game out of Sweat. Put a workout move on a card, draw four workouts, do them as a circuit. Switch cards with friends. Make up new circuits. It could be another offline version of the Sweat app.
So without the guidance of the app, I... took another walk. I haven't worked out in Victoria Park in a few weeks and I enjoy walking under the towering leafy trees.
But really, I was looking forward to knocking out an aggressive strength session. After a day or two of no strength-building, I fear I may melt into a pile of wobblier flesh. I know it doesn't take one day to go from fit to unfit, but I've been at this for five weeks now and I don't want to atrophy.
Funnily enough, when I got home for the evening, guess what popped back up in the Sweat app? All the strength sessions and cardio sessions I haven't done. I'll tackle those at the weekend.
How I'm feeling: A little bummed. I was looking forward to getting stronger yesterday
What I'm listening to: More podcasts to take a brisk walk with
Favourite exercise: Strength exercises that I am yet to do?
Lease favourite exercise: The one I couldn't do yesterday
If I have one piece of advice, it's don't go for an eight kilometer run the day before you're set to do legs and cardio. I honestly can't tell you why I decided to make such a stupid decision but what I will tell you is that you will have to do jump lunges. Then you will be told by your friend that your ATTEMPT at jump lunges looks like a baby foal trying to walk for the first time. Very encouraging.
A legs and cardio session is something within itself. We all have things we're better at than others. For example, abdominal workouts are more my forte (when I say forte I mean I don't completely die doing them. I'm in no way suggesting I can actually pump out a set of 50 sit ups and a three minute bridge).
Cardio is not my strong point. I like squats. This is because when I am attempting to get my butt down to a forty-five degree angle, I know that it's getting tighter every time, and that means I'm getting closer to a Gigi Hadid butt. It's motivational, even if I do feel like the whole of Les Mills Newmarket is judging me while I do it.
Anyway, don't run and then do a "leg day". You will look like a complete idiot as you try to do the lunges, and your muscles will hurt too. You will also be unmotivated because you feel unfit so then you'll be sad and have to console yourself with some of the new Lewis Road Creamery ice cream.
If you do run and then attemp leg day, then thiis is probably what you and your gym buddies look like:
However, when I'm doing my arm workouts I feel pretty bulked up. If you knew me before, you'd know I had very little arm strength. But now, I can lift five kilogram dumbbells, which makes me feel pretty cool. And a little bit like this:
At the end of week five, I am feeling pretty happy with my progress. I have to say I think I could have made more progress if I had not had two long weekends in a row and free tubs of ice cream delivered to the office.
I do, however, feel more toned, less bloated and my skin is glowing (says my dad, thanks, Dad). My posture feels better and I ran eight kilometers in 42 minutes. That's an average of 5 minute 20 second kilometers. Seeing as that is my first run in about four weeks it proves Kayla can actually get your fitter.
I don't have a photo of myself working out but here is a screenshot from Mum on Snapchat, complete with motivational words. Thanks, Mum "You ma number one".
Week Five: Feeling good, but sore, yet motivated. So many feelings, so little time
Workout music: Pillow Talk by Zayn Malik (I love this song and don't care if it's "fan-girly") for LISS sessions and Jumpman by Drake for HIIT sessions
Favourite exercise: Running because it's easier to zone out and it counts as a LISS session
Least favourite exercise: Jump lunges when you ran the day before