The HSPs are those who sense lions in the bushes; the non-sensitive types chase the lions away.
Oh, hello there! (Assembles polite face.) Could you please take a moment out from your obsession with rugby and read my column? Yes, I know, "Rugby: nothing else matters." But I have passionate obsessions too. This week: depth-first search, our lousy risk algorithms, sex addiction, the poet Rilke, HSPs.
Delightful news, readers. This week, I have realised I am not an alien freak after all. It turns out that 15-20 per cent of the population are like me and it's not even considered a disorder; it's just the way we are. We're not soppy drips; we are what is known as Highly Sensitive People (HSP).
HSPs are born with a nervous system genetically designed to be more sensitive to subtleties, more prone to reflection on inner experience and, inevitably, more easily overwhelmed by outer events.
We also tend to take on other people's feelings,often being empathetic to a fault. (I always feel more sadness for the losing team in rugby than I do joy for us winning.)
If you are an HSP you might tick positive to statements such as: I startle easily, I'm easily overwhelmed by things like brights lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics or sirens close by, I avoid violent movies or TV shows, other people's moods affect me.
Elaine Aron, who has done ground-breaking work in this area, says HSPs make evolutionary sense. Humans need to have a certain percentage of careful, alert-to-the-subtleties individuals in the group. We are the ones who first sense there are lions in the bushes. Then it's the non-sensitive individuals who can rush in to drive off the lions. Or run on to the rugby field. But most cultures tend to favour one over the other. Immigrant cultures, like ours, tend to favour the risk-takers. Cultures living close to the earth may give greater status to their sensitive herbalists, trackers and shamans.
A study comparing school children in Shanghai to those in Canada found that sensitive, quiet children in China were most respected by their peers and in Canada they were the least respected. HSPs growing up in cultures where they are not respected, such as New Zealand, are deeply affected. And we all pay dearly for our overvaluing of impulsive aggression (look at our domestic violence statistics.)
School can be hell for HSPs; all that competitive sport, and loud bells and glory reserved for those who fit the ideal.
What is considered "normal" in our culture are those people who are cheerful, outgoing, relaxed, success-oriented and independent. Not everyone is going to fit this social norm. We HSPs may compensate in later life by becoming successful using our conscientiousness and intuition. But HSPs who quickly become aware their true nature is not acceptable in our culture, especially male HSPs, can put on a "false self" as a child. Later in life, having split off part of their true nature, they may feel strangely empty and, often, depressed.
It doesn't have to be like this. In our pioneering days we might have needed an aggressive approach to survival, but that is not so true now our battles are things like fighting to get a carpark.
Anthropologists have observed that most aggressive cultures have two ruling classes, the warrior kings and the priestly advisers. Warrior kings are the impulsive leaders of raids and builders of empire; these days, tycoons and sports heroes. The priestly advisers, usually HSPs, are teachers, healers and artists. Their function is to counsel the warrior kings and get them to reflect on the consequences of their actions. When the power between these two groups is balanced, all goes well. But we must value both types of power and influence.
It would be great if whilst worshipping our All Blacks, our warrior kings, we recognised we also need HSPs, even if sometimes we seem a bit klutzy and dorky. We may even be scary by reminding others of their own vulnerability. As Rilke said: "Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love." You can go back to your rugby now.
• If you want to do the HSP test you can find it on Elaine Aron's website: hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/